


4 Boys, 1 Apartment

by strawberry_lennonade



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: 4 boys living together, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Apartment, Can I add more tags as I go along?, Crack, Crying, Don't Like Don't Read, Drunkenness, Fluff, Gay, Getting Together, Group chat, I Don't Even Know, I SAID IT ONCE ILL SAY IT AGAIN ITS A JOKE, I did this instead of college work, I don’t mean any insults or anything, I'm Sorry, It gets worse from here, I’m sorry, Kissing, Lots of Crying, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, MPREG?!??!!, McLennon, Mpreg, Not Famous, Oh George Martin is here too, Please Don’t Hate Me, References to the Beatles, Strong Language, Texting, Unplanned Pregnancy, We are getting rid of all negativity and hate, Weddings, What Have I Done, again i am so sorry, buckle up it’s gonna be a long one, did i mention crack, i love the boys, i made it very unrealistic on purpose, i mean it kinda is about the Beatles if you haven’t already guessed, im now having a mental breakdown, im so sorry, im sorry, it’s a joke, jim mccartney - Freeform, lots of fluff, magical mystery pregnancy, my first fic don’t go hard on me, only laughs and fun here, poor fucking John oml, read the tags before you read it, seriously though it’s just a joke, seriously why are they always crying, slight angst if you squint, starrison, thats a shite joke, very gay, very unplanned, what has this come to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 20,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28653006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberry_lennonade/pseuds/strawberry_lennonade
Summary: A collection of moments in the life of 4 music Bois living in the same apartment... aka the Beatles. A modern day AU, where they are a group of uni lads creating music in their free time... they aren’t that famous...yet. (Warning: very cracky and some strong language... may be hints of McLennon and Starrison later on and babies :))UPDATE: I have turned off comments and deleted hate comments, due to mental health reasons and I just don’t want the negativity, as the point in this series is to bring joy and laughter to people who enjoy it. If you are uncomfortable with these ships, mpreg, or strong language, don’t read it. To people who are unsure, this series is just one big crack fic and I do not mean to insult or stereotype the characters in it, because I love the Beatles and I think that they are the best! It is not canon, this is fully fictional... enough serious talk and enjoy :))
Relationships: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney
Kudos: 36





	1. Plants

**Author's Note:**

> John’s angry, George is hungry and being over protective about his plants and Ringo, Paul’s drunk and Ringo’s being cute... that’s basically it for the first one. This is my first fanfic so please don’t go too hard on me I don’t know how this works.

John was bored. When wasn’t John bored. Ringo and George had gone to IKEA to get some furniture for the new apartment that they were all sharing, hopefully not plants. And Paul...God knows where Paul was. Probably in some bar in Liverpool flirting with a girl he would never talk to again. The thought of Paul, HIS Paul, with another woman right now, made him ~~upset~~ angry. So he picked up his phone to try and subtly tell Paul to get his ass home.

15:46  
John created a new group.  
John has renamed the group “The Bitch Boys”.  
John added George.  
John added My Pretty Princess Paulie.

John: oh shit

John renamed My Pretty Princess Paulie to Paul.  
John added Ringo.

George: O.o

Ringo: what the FUCK

John: you didn’t see anything

George: “my pretty princess Paulie” LMAOOOOO

John: FUCK OFF!!!! Anyway where is Paul.

Ringo: who? Your pretty princess??

George: you do know Paul is going to see that...

John: I will kick you out of the apartment if you don’t shut up.

Ringo: Pails paying rent. You would have to ask him first. Surely he can’t kick my tiny ass out :)

George: no you’re too cute to be kicked out :)

Ringo: awwwww Georgie :))) <3

George: <333333

John: ok then. Are we just gonna ignore PAIL.

George: Pail

Ringo: i sorry I not good at spelling

John: ITS YOUR BLOODY MATES NAME!

George changed Paul’s name to Pail.

John: BAHAHAHA nice one Geo.

Ringo: it’s still not as good as “my pretty princess Paulie”

John: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

George: ID LIKE TO BE A PIRATE! A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME!!! ALL MY FRIENDS ARE PIRATES AND SAIL THE BBC!!

John: just no

Ringo: OH MY GOD MY PHONE HAS EMOJIS!!!

John: oh no George he’s found them

Ringo: I LOVE EMOJIS ☮️❤️💕😆😙😊🥦💞

John threw his phone out of the window and slammed his head on the table. The phone came back through the window like a boomerang and hit him on the head. He picked it up and saw 50 notifications from the group chat. And they were all from Ringo. Sending nothing but emojis.

The Bitch Boys  
16:03

Ringo: 🕉 for you georgie

George: :D

John: when will you be back from IKEA. I can’t stand him sending emojis any more.

George: I think it’s cute. We should be around 30 mins. We are going through the tills now.

John: WHY THAT LONG. ITS JUST DOWN THE M62!

Ringo: we have 4 trollies

George: 3 full of plants...

John: for FUCK sake George. You already brought about 20 plants with you when you moved in!!! WHY DO WE NEED MORE???? YOU COULD HAVE SPENT THE MONEY ON A NEW SOFA SINCE YOU RUINED IT WITH YOUR BLOODY WIERD FOOD. NOW YOU BUY FUCKING PLANTS. FUCKING PLANTS!!!!!! WE ARE ON A BUDGET YOU ABSOLUTE SPOON.

George: chill John jeez it’s only another 30.

John: THIRTY PLANTS?!????!? WE DONT NEED ANOTHER FUCKING THIRTY PLANTS OH MY GOD. WE LIVE IN AN APARTMENT!!!!

Ringo: the fact that we can create insults by putting absolute in front of any word.

George: absolute food. Also I’m hungry.

Ringo: absolute toilet

John: absolute meecrowavay

George: absolute tree

Ringo: absolute lamp

John: absolute beanbag

Ringo: absolute my pretty princess Paulie

George: jdjsfhdhshshhdsgsg HAHA

John: absolute ringo

Ringo: :(

Pail: hhellko wbhat is tjhos

George: what the fuck

Ringo: hello John’s pretty princess Paulie.

John: NOooOoOoOoOoO!!!!!!

Pail: ehehe ii luikje thhart.

John: YA DRANK

Ringo: I think he’s too drunk to realise JOHN HAS A SECRET FAT CRUSH ON HIM!!!!

Pail: ii niorttt

George: Paul are you okay?

Pail: yeeeeeee ii commmuijg homjhe geroje

John: geroje

Ringo: geroje

John changed George’s name to Geroje.

Geroje: wow guys.

The door opened and slammed loudly. John rushed to the door to see Paul smiling, completely dazed. His feet shuffled clumsily along the hallway of the apartment, making that awful squeaking noise.

“Paul!” John exclaimed. “I can’t believe how drunk you are!”

“I’m not drunk.”

“Yes you are!”

“I am not fucking drunk!”

“Can you tell the time?”

“Yes.”

Paul turned around to face the clock in the hall.

“I. AM. NOT. FUCKING. DRUNK.” He said to the clock. John facepalmed in disappointment. Paul stumbled past John and slumped onto the sofa. He immediately fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The Bitch Boys  
4:23

John: oh he’s drunk alright. I asked him to tell the time and he SPOKE TO THE CLOCK.

Ringo: bruh like that meme

John: YES! Also where’s George?

Ringo: he can’t reply. he’s driving. We will be back in about 10 minutes

John: ok I’ll go look after the drunk mess on our sofa.

Ringo: harsh

John: well he’s my drunk mess.

Ringo: awwwww. I think you two should get together

John: RINGO YOU COULD HAVE SENT ME A PRIVATE MESSAGE ABOUT THAT!!!!

Ringo: shit sorry ❤️💓❤️🥦☮️💞🧸😙

John walked over to Paul to check how he was. He scraped the raven coloured fringe out of his eyes. Then Paul projectile vomited all over him. After mumbling a string of insults at him such as “twat waffle”, “bitch” whatever, he stormed off to shower and change his sick covered clothes. When he was out of the shower, the door opened again. It was George, Ringo, a huge box with a picture of a shelf unit thingy (idk what it’s called okay) on it, and of course 30 plants.

“Oooo a shelf, I could use that to put my vinyl Collection on it.” Said John excitedly.

“Uhhh... I’m not sure about that, we specifically bought this to put my new plants on it.” George replied.

“IT HAS 5 SHELVES. SURELY I CAN USE JUST ONE FOR MY VINYLS!!!”

“No!!! My plants need a home!!!”

“THEY ARE OUR RECORDS GEORGE. THE ONES WE MADE!!!”

“My plants are my childr-“

“Wha’ is all the shouting about?” Paul said, sitting up on the sofa and clutching his head. He then picked up his phone and opened the billions of messages from the group chat.

“NO!! NONONONOOO!!!” John screamed. Trying to rugby tackle Paul to the ground, missing and slamming head first into the sofa.  
Paul’s huge eyes WIDENED....

“Who’s ‘My pretty princess Paulie?’” He said confused. The whole room was silent. John rubbed his head, which he head butted the sofa with, George paused from eating his banana and ringo shat himself.

“John! You never told me about your new girlfriend.” Paul said sadly. “Do you not trust me? I’d like to meet Paulie. She sounds lovely.”

“Uhhh well... ya see the thing is-“

“SHUDDUP GEORGE!” Screamed John.

“No George, tell me.” Paul stood there sassily. This arms folded and lips pouted.... yas queen the ATTITUDE (I’m sorry).

“Joh-“ John rugby tackled George to the ground and placed his hand over his mouth.

“What the fuck is going on ringo?” Paul asked confused.

“John has a huge fat crush on you Paul.” Ringo mumbled, his eyes COLOSSAL, the size of JUPITER.

Paul screamed. John got off George and ran to his and Paul’s shared bedroom and cried... and cried....

And cried.....

And cried......

(John is me writing this tbh)

John didn’t eat tea that night. He couldn’t face Paul after what HE did. Stupid ringo. Why does he have to stick his FAT nose into everyone’s business. (I’m sorry ringo you sweet boi). He just lay in his bed and cried all night...

Cut. End of scene one. (Please tell me you get the reference)


	2. Eww

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just fluff, lots of fluff, insults, further Naughty words, tears, temper tantrums (yes John is an absolute child in this). But this one has MCLENNON in it so I’m happy. Come at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idek at this point.

John was still crying. Seriously how does this fucker produce so many tears!??!? The room was submerged in his tears. God he would have to move out now, into another flat. No, another uni. Scrap that, Another CITY. No another county. Actually he would have to move PLANETS, to get away from Paul and the embarrassment of what happened that evening. Suddenly the door opened and all johns tears gushed out of the flooded bedroom. John closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He could hear Paul walking into the room and not stopping to get in his bed. Instead he carried on walking until.... John shit himself.

“God Johnny, what’s all that water? Did you piss yourself out of shame??”

“What NO!!!!”

“Then why is the room flooded?”

“Tears....”

Paul’s heart sunk. He came closer to John’s bed and sat down on it. John refused to look at him. Out of ~~embarrassment~~ anger.

“Hey Johnny. Don’t cry.” Paul cooed, stroking John’s thigh which was covered in a soggy duvet. John sobbed quietly.

“Is y’know... what rings said true?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Mumbled John miserably.

“John. Is it?”

“Mhm.”

John forces himself to look at Paul, who’s face is lit up that much it’s almost blinding.

“well I don’t know how to put this y’know. But I feel the same, John.”

“You’re drunk Paul stopppppp.”

“No, John. I mean it. I lo-.”

The Bitch Boys  
22:16

Ringo: are them two together yet?

Geroje : I can just hear John howling.

Ringo: I’m going to go check on them.

Geroje: why are you messaging me I’m sat right next to you?

Ringo got up off the sofa and headed towards the flooded bedroom. He put his ear towards the crack in the door to listen in but his HUMONGOUS nose got in the way.

John stopped howling after what seemed to be forever. (John is such a baby what the hell). He sat up to face Paul.

“So I’m y’know your y’know pretty princess y’know paulie y’know.”

“Please say that in English Paul.”

“Will you be my boyfriend, y’know where we are a couple and we do cute shit together and we hug and kiss and get build a bears and then I name one John and you name one Pa-“

“HELL YEAHHHHHHHH!!!” John wrapped his arms around the younger lad and softly pressed his lips to his. Paul froze for a second, trying to process what the FUCK was going on and then kissed him back....Like that cliche shit you get in films bitch!

Ringo’s jaw fell to the floor, so did his fat nose. Finally after all these years McLennon was REAL. MCFUCKINGLENNON WAS REAL!!!

The bitch boys  
22:39

John: guys, I’d like to introduce you to my new boyfriend, Paul McCharmly.

Pail: hello!

Geroje: rich you know what this means.

Ringo changed Paul’s name to John’s pretty princess Paulie.

John’s pretty princess Paulie: this is so adorable.

John: DINGO!!!!!

John changed Ringo’s name to Dingo.

Dingo: :(

Geroje: it could be worse

John: it could be dongo

Geroje: cbdhdhdhfsfsdfsf DONGO

Dingo: DONT YOU DARE 😡😡😡😡😡

John changed Dingo’s name to Dongo.

Dongo: bro really?!?

Dongo changed John’s name to Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming.

Geroje: that reminds me. where’s Paul gone?

Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming: hes asleep in me arms

Dongo: awwwww

Geroje: I’m hungry

Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming: its like ten to eleven what the fuck George!!!

Dongo: yeah geo. how can you eat so much... and still be a STICK!

Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming: fuck stick

Dongo: he’s my fuck stick

Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming: URM DO YOU KNOW HOW WRONG THAT SPOUNDS???? what the FUCK, RICHARD!!!

Geroje: spounds

Dongo: spounds

Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming: right imma go sleep with my baby boy now see you tomorrow lads.

Geroje: eww

Dongo: night John

Dongo: are you coming to bed Georgie

Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming: that makes it sound like he IS your fuck stick

Dongo: shit I thought I sent that privately.


	3. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More chaos ensues. Ringo and George, being the absolute stoners they are, A T T E M P T to make pot brownies. John and Paul are just stuck together because why not. I can’t believe I’m posting another one and it hasn’t even been a day yet since I first uploaded it. Also wow chapter 3 already

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made this late at night so it’s probably awful but I’m going to post it anyway because i can bitch.

The Bitch Boys

06:45

Dongo:  Hey Geo wanna make some pot brownies

Geroje:  OMG YES FOOD IM STARVING

Dongo:  actually no that’s a bad idea. you know they are probably gonna make you even more hungry, we can’t have you eating all the food in the entire apartment. John and Paul gotta eat too 

Geroje:  :(

Dongo:  fine you can make some with me just don’t eat them all at once  💕💕💓💕💓💕💕💓💓💕❤️❤️❤️❤️💞❤️💞❤️🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦☮️🕉🕉☮️🕉😘😘😘😘🥰🥰😗😗😆😆🌱🌱✌️✌️✌️✌️

Geroje: :)))

Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming:  Christ Richard it’s like 6am!!! You woke me and Paul up. And also chill with the emojis it’s too early for your shit. 

Geroje:  he’s making us breakfast!!!!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  No thank you. I do not want pot brownies for breakfast.

Dongo:  George we need to go Tesco get some more eggs for the brownies. 

Geroje:  okay. See you two love birds later.

Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming:  shut up ringo’s dildo bitch

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  Bye!!!  👋

Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming:  not you with the emojis as well.

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  Christ John it’s only one!!!!

Geroje:  wait where did ringo’s dildo come from?

Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming:  when rich said you were his fuck stick last night

Dongo:  Please stop calling him that Jogn  ☹️🙁😢😢😢😢😭😭

Geroje:  jogn

Geroje changed Pretty Princess Paulie’s Prince Charming’s name to jogn.

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  awww I liked the previous name!!! 

Jogn:  of course you did darling 

Paul decided to make John and himself a NORMAL breakfast. A whole stack of pancakes with chocolate sauce. John had gobbled the whole lot up before Paul could even sit at the table. 

“Johohohnnnnn!!!! We were meant to share! Now I have to eat George and Ringo’s pot brownies!!!” 

John said something unintelligible as he was too busy chewing the 10 pancakes in his mouth. He looked like a hamster. 

The Bitch Boys

07:08

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  George please can I have some pot brownies too?

Geroje:  yes bro. 

Jogn: can I too ringo dildo

Geroje: no

Jogn:  whyyyyy???

Geroje:  because you didn’t call me by my name

Jogn:  it is your name

Geroje:  my name is George FUCKING Harrison.

Jogn:  okay George fucking Harrison, can I have some pot brownies.

Geroje:  no

Jogn:  fuck sake

Dongo: George I’m at the cat

Dongo:  cat*

Dongo cat*

Dongo:  cab*

Dongo: CAR*** FFS

Geroje:  coming sweetie

Jogn:  gayyyyyyy

Geroje:  you can’t say much. Plus it’s a JOKE. We aren’t actually gay. Or together 

Jogn:  hmm I smell bullshit

Geroje: WE ARENT!!!!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  getting overprotective now are we?

Geroje:  DONT YOU START PAUL!

About 10 minutes later, joj and bongo got home and immediately started baking the brownies because they wanted to get stoned. John and Paul were laying on the sofa with their faces stuck together, which was now a regular occurrence since last night. Ringo was in charge of melting the chocolate on the stove (bad idea). He washed his hands as he had made a mess like the 4 year old he is. He then threw the tea towel behind him. It landed on the stove... and immediately caught fire. 

“It’s hot in here.” Said George. Fanning himself with a spatula. 

Ringo turned around and his eyes grew to the size of the MILKY WAY BITCH. He then turned back around and ignored the fact that there was a literal FIRE IN THE KITCHEN!George turned around and stared at the fire with a dumb ass expression and turned back around. Then both George and ringo turned and looked at the fire simultaneously. Paul and John were too busy licking the faces off eachother to notice. Ringo screamed and threw the burning tea towel... onto the RUG, which also caught fire. George and Ringo picked up the big ass rug and threw it out of the window. Then they called 999 for a fireman... or woman. We don’t discriminate.

“WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD?!?” Screamed George, attracting the attention of John and Paul.

“Where are our brownies?” Asked Paul.

“BROWNIES?!?” George screamed. “THERE WONT BE ANY!!! WHILE YOU TWO WERE BUSY STUCK TO EACHOTHER WE.. NO... RINGO NEARLY BURNED THE APARTMENT DOWN!!!”

“Oh shit.” Said John.

They heard the sirens coming down the street and headed downstairs towards the door to the apartments, where the smoking black rug (that wasn’t even on fire anymore due to the shitty English weather) was laying on the pavement. The fire truck crashed into the lamp post infront of the Apartments. Fireman Sam got out and looked at the black mess of what was a rug 15 minutes ago, then looked at the boys in confusion. Ringo shat himself. George waved awkwardly. John and Paul were just stuck to eachother. McLennon = superglue??? Because seriously they are never apart in this.

“Ok then” he said. Turned around, and ran away as quickly as possible, leaving the truck parked in the lamp post.

Paul started crying. John immediately cuddled him after letting him go for 0.000069420666 seconds and gave him little butterfly kisses on his chubby cheek. George and Ringo ran back into the apartment building.Paul wanted his brownies. John cried too because he didn’t know how to bake them for his boyfriend. Bob’s your uncle. I don’t know what the fuck is going on here anymore. 

The Bitch Boys

09:23

Jogn:  Paul is crying help.

Geroje: Feed him something. Usually when I’m upset, I eat and I feel better.

Jogn:  ok one he’s not a TODDLER. And two when do you NOT talk about FOOD

Dongo:  when he’s talking about plants

Jogn:  or actually eating

Geroje:  I’m supposed to be the quiet one but I use this group chat more than Paul

So basically, George shut up, Paul ate food (not brownies), ringo changed his pants, and John fell asleep because he is a human and he needs sleep duh. 


	4. Get in loser(s) we’re going shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go shopping. Ringo’s a bad driver, George is pissed, John has to babysit Paul and Paul acts like a baby. More fluff in this one so yay. Also I didn’t realise how long it was going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit sorry I didn’t realise I pasted it twice

After that eventful morning, the boys decided to go shopping for a new rug and tea towels. George downed a full bottle of whiskey because why not, and now he was PISSED. So this meant Ringo had to drive (also a bad idea). Paul helped put on George’s ugly ass fluffy leopard print boots..slippers (what ever the fuck they are but they are hideous) while John combed Arthur. They carried George to the stairs of the apartment block. Then he fell face first. Down the stairs. And sunk his fangs into the carpet. John and Paul put him in a body bag and threw him in the car.

“Get in losers we’re going shopping!” Shouted ringo from the driver’s seat.

George immediately fell asleep in the passengers side. John and Paul were snogging in the back. Ringo pressed his foot on the accelerator and reversed into the same lamppost that Fireman Sam had crashed into this morning. Then he put the car in drive and slammed into some bins across the road. George woke up for a brief second to throw up on the windscreen. Ringo then proceeded to get out of the car and wipe the windscreen with a cloth (yeah the windscreen wipers didn’t work... it’s ringo’s car nothing does because it’s been bashed about that much) even though George was sick inside the car...dumb fuck... 

After what felt like being on the dodgems for 15 minutes, the boys arrived at Liverpool One to go  ✨ shopping ✨ .Ringo must have caused millions of pounds of damage in that multi storey car park because there probably wasn’t one car that he DIDNT crash into. Paul told George exactly what rug to get, the specific dimensions... you get the idea. George just stared at him, dribbling all over himself. Ringo stuck his nose in the ticket machine. 

“Heyyyy Johnnyyyy.” Paul said playfully in his sweet honey voice, leaning his arm on John’s shoulder. “Let’s have some alone time.” 

“We are in the middle of a car park Paul! I refuse to shag here!”

“I didn’t mean that you silly silly boy.” Paul caressed John’s cheek. 

“WHATS WITH THE STRANGE VOICE THEN?!!!!” 

“I dunno.” Paul’s voice went back to normal.

“Do you want something from me princess?”

“Take me to the Disney store Johnny!! I want a Princess dress!!” 

(Yes Paul is the baby now)

“Of course my flower. It’s going to look so cute on you.” John bopped Paul’s nose with his finger, making him screw up his face. 

The Bitch Boys

10:46

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  Guys I’m so happy!!!

Dongo:  what’s up 

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  John is buying me a princess dress!!!!!

Geroje : fhfisppapaksndbd

Dongo:  what the fuck would you want that for

Jogn:  dress up for me 

Dongo: eewww NO OKAY THATS ENOUGH IM GOING TO GET THE RUG NOW BYE peace and love

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  RICH HE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT!!!!!!

Dongo: Look you’re getting overprotective now aren’t you!!!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  it was INNOCENT. I want to walk around the apartment in a princess dress to feel special and pretty.

Jogn:  so I can admire how beautiful and perfect my boyfriend is!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  awwww my love, that is so sweet. 

Jogn:  and his cute ass 

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  oh.

Dongo:  told ya  😂😂😂✌️✌️✌️✌️🥦🥦❤️🌱💓☮️💞💞👋👋👋💞👋👋😇😇😇😇👋

Paul literally RAN into the Disney store. John followed behind him.

“Here you are Paul, what about a Star Wars action figure?”

Paul ignored him and ran straight towards the dress section. Some worker sorting out the plush toys gave him a strange look. 

“John look! A blue one! A blue one!!! I love the colour blue! It’s my favourite!!!” Paul squealed excitedly.

“Do they have your size darling?” 

Paul checked through the sizes... and checked again.... and checked again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again....and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again....and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again....and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again....and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... (you can just skip this y’know)and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again....and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again....and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again....and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again....and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again.... and again....

“They are all children’s sizes John!”

Paul ran into John’s arms and started WAILING. The whole store full of CHILDREN stopped and just stared at a crying Paul McfuckingCartney. John smiled awkwardly... and then shat himself. 

The Bitch Boys

11:18

Jogn:  Help!

Dongo:  I need somebody

Jogn: HELP!!!!

Geroje:  not just anybody

Jogn: no I’m being serious HELP!

Dongo:  you know I need someone.

Jogn: HEEEELLPPP GUYS

Dongo:  oh you weren’t singing the song shit what’s up John

Geroje:  I never needed anybody’s help in any way

Jogn:  there’s no princess dresses that will fit Paul and now he’s crying in the middle ofDisney store 

Dongo:  Oh ummm try like some girl shop. Maybe Lipsy 

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  I WANT A PRINCESS DRESS NOT A BRIDESMAID DRESS RINGO!!!!

Jogn:  oh shit when did you stop crying

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  I AM NOT LEAVING WITHOUT A PRINCESS DRESS!!!

Geroje:  little brat

Jogn:  OH MY GOD GEORGE YOUVE SET HIM OFF AGAIN. THIS IS EMBARRASSING!!!

Dongo:  yikes

Jogn:  I’m taking him to build a bear so he will shut up

So John dragged Paul by his ankles to build a bear. When they got there, Paul stopped whinging and stuck his fat head to the window to look inside. 

“Oooo that bear looks so cute!! Just like you John!” 

It was a big fluffy brown bear with large eyes and a cute smile. 

“I want that one!! John pleaasseee!!” 

“Of course hun.” 

Paul ran inside and picked up that big, flabby outside thing for the teddy bear (Idk what that’s called either but you know what I mean) to get stuffed. John found a black bunny teddy, which reminded him of Paul. He picked it up along with a blue princess dress and tiara for the bunny. 

“JOHNNN!!! COME HERE I WANT YOUR VOICE IN MY BEAR!!!”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Uhhh I dunno something luv.”

“John and Paul forever. Is that good enough?”

“Yeah!”

“You’re a pain in the arse, you.”

The woman stuffed the bear and handed it to Paul, who cuddled it and batted his spiders-legs-for-eyelashes (I’m sorry pol ilyyy) Paul got his adoption certificate with ‘John’ on it and bought a leather outfit for the bear,which reminded him of you guessed it. John. Ding ding ding we have a winner. 

They walked back to the car and waited for George and Ringo to get back. John, being the impatient asshole he is got out his phone to get the others to come back from the rug shop. (Yes I’m aware they have been there for a long long time). 

The Bitch Boys

11:52

Jogn:  where the hell are you guys. We are freezing waiting for you to get back!!!!

Geroje:  we couldn’t get the rug

Jogn:  SERIOUSLY?!? AFTER ALL THAT!!??

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  oh don’t worry that’s fine. We will just go to IKEA tomorrow to get one. I’ve seen one that’s lovely in there.

Dongo:  so we got this instead

Dongo:

  
  


John’s pretty princess Paulie:  WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. THAT. RICHARD!!!!!!

Jogn: oh for fuck sake ringo you’ve made Paul cry again! 

Paul clutched his teddy while he cried and pressed the heart inside it, so John’s lovely words could comfort him.

“You’re a pain in the arse, you” the bear said. 

“Whoops.” John mumbled. And made a run for it.


	5. Princess Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul is being a spoiled little brat (sorry Paul, I love you y’know) because of the rug and the mean words in the build a bear. So basically he doesn’t speak to the lads and they have to come up with a plan to cheer him up.... a party?!??!!???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was nearly late to geography posting this so you better like it

Paul refused to speak to the others on the way home or for the rest of the afternoon. He ate the heart out of the teddy bear so it would shut up. As soon as they got home, Paul ran to his and John’s bedroom and slammed the door. (Moody fucker)

The Bitch Boys

13:23

John’s pretty princess Paulie left the group chat. 

Dongo:  he left????

Jogn:  guys what are we going to do my baby hates me :(((((

Geroje: it’s not even been a day yet... also someone needs to go talk to him

Dongo:  I’ll go talk to him

Ringo approached the bedroom door, opened it and stuck his head (well nose) through the door. 

“Hello Paul.”

Paul hissed and growled through the other side of the door. 

“Bye Paul.”

Paul slammed the door, trapping Ringo’s fat ass nose in the door. 

“YEEEEOOWWWW!!!” Ringo screamed. George and John pulled Ringo’s nose out of the door. Then the door locked. Ringo went to the bathroom to bandage his nose up. 

The Bitch Boys

13:27 

Jogn:  he won’t listen to us. What are we going to do now???

Geroje:  throw a party

Dongo:  omg yes

Geroje:  who should we invite?

Jogn:  plz don’t invite that wierd girl from art she creeps me out

Dongo:  no she’s mean she stole Georgie’s biscuit

Geroje:  we literally have no friends to invite

Dongo: we can invite Brian 

Jogn:  dhshshshshs our fucking PROFESSOR

Geroje:  yeah let’s invite eppy

Jogn added Professor B Epstein to the group.

(read Brian’s parts in a posh accent for full effect please) 

Professor B Epstein:  Oh my, good afternoon boys. Are you struggling with the essay? Also where did you retrieve my personal mobile number from, may I ask?

Jogn:  no please come to our party to try and cheer Paul up 

Professor B Epstein:  A party? Are you aware that this is your professor you are talking to. This is very unprofessional.

Jogn:  please Brian

Dongo:  yeah please Brian

Professor B Epstein: I am Professor Epstein to you! And  oh lord, Richard. Please change your name back! That is very inappropriate! Also, no I would not like to come to your party. Thank you very much for your kind offer though. 

Jogn:  Brian we heard you were lonely. Please come to our party it will be a nice night and you won’t be lonely

Geroje:  there will be food!

Professor B Epstein:  I do apologise boys, really. However, you must understand what the Principal will think of me, going to parties with younger boys, alongside the fact that I am homosexual. 

Jogn:  Professor Martin will be there

Professor B Epstein:  okay hell yeah bitches I’m in 

“Shit how are we gonna get Martin to the party!” Ringo cried.

“Bro he may look scary but he’s actually chill.”

“Omg text him John.” Said Ringo excitedly.

“Why do you have all our professors numbers you little slut John.”

“SHUDDUP JOJ!”

Professor Marty Farty

13:38

John:  hello Marty

Professor Marty Farty:  ayyyy hey John

John:  please come to our party to cheer up Paul

Professor Marty Farty:  dont worry bro I’ll be there. What time does it start

John:  I was thinking about 7

Professor Marty Farty:  alright I’ll see you at 7 dude

John shit a brick.

“What are we gonna do now? We have eppy and George coming and we need to make this party fecking good.”

“Fooooooooood.” 

“Fine George we can have food.”

“Yeeesssssss.”

The boys got back into Ringo’s mess of a car (seriously how is it still drivable) and headed back to Tesco for the second time today. As soon as they left, Paul left his room and danced around the apartment like the little princess and sly ass bitch he is. (Seriously John bought him a build a bear and now he’s all sulky. Those shits aren’t cheap. Okay rant over). At Tesco, the others bought biscuits (mostly for George the greedy fucker), 10kg of mashed potato (for Paul, the mashed potato connoisseur), some corn dogs, chicken strips (because FUCK YOUR CHICKEN STRIPS), condoms, lemonade, coke (not the drug kind but I’m surprised because this whole thing is), MACCArons (I had to), a Djungleskog ikea bear, dinosaur balloons, a banner that said “ ~~ happy birthday  ~~ Welcome back Paul!” And some other party food shit. I dont know what you have at a party I never get invited to any :((((. Then that cliche yellow light shone at the end of the aisle and angelic music played. John passed the trolley towards Ringo and ran him over. Then he approached the light. There it was. A bright blue princess dress IN PAULS SIZE! With a tiara. Just like John’s ‘Paul’ bear. He ran towards it and then some silly bitch took it first. 

“Hey give us that back I saw it first!!!” Cried John snatching it out of her hand. 

“Hey! Have some manners! This is for my son!” She snatched it back off him.

“WELL ITS FOR MY BOYFRIEND THINGY!!!” Screamed John, snatching it back off her.

“NOooOoOoOo MINNEEEE!!!.”

They stopped fighting and stood still. In a very awkwardsil e nce.....

“Wait why would your son want this?”

“Uhhh why would your boyfriend want this?”

The woman stood there clutching the hanger of the dress, eyes the size of the whole tesco. Then dropped it. And ran off as quickly as possible. John retrieved the dress from the floor and dumped it in the trolley. 


	6. The ACTUAL princess party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the actual party... if you can call it that because it is so BAD. And they only have two guests... their professors. because that’s how popular they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need more ideas now tbf

The boys got home from Tesco and dumped all the stuff in the bin. Then retrieved it from the bin and put it on the counter. John took the dress out of the trolley (yes the idiots took the whole ass trolley home) and knocked on his and Paul’s bedroom door. Paul slipped his hand through and snatched the dress off John. Then closed the door again. Then he immediately opened it and dragged John in. And then snogged the face off him. 

“Oh John love, I’m sorryI’m sorryI’m sorry, it’s beautiful! Where did you get it from?” 

“Tesco.”

“Oh... really... didn’t know they sold them.”

“Tesco sells everything princess.”

Paul pushed John onto the bed and sat on his thiccccc ass thighs. John was happy to be back with Paul (and another part of him was too!!... sorry) he positioned himself so that he was now laying on top of John and gently traced a line along his square jawline. 

“John.” He whispered softly. His huge, hazel doe eyes, full of love, gazing down on the older man. 

“God paulie you’re so beautiful.”

Paul leaned down until their faces were inches apart. 

“I love you Johnny.” 

“I love you too, my princess.”

(When did this become all serious now? I don’t like it)

And that’s all it took for Paul to close the gap between them. He took John’s lips between his. Everything about the kiss was so soft, ironically John’s downstairs was really N O T.(That’s more like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) The kiss didn’t last very long because John’s phone went off. 

The Bitch Boys

15:02

Geroje:  John has Paul killed you?!??? You haven’t come out of the bedroom in like 10 minutes!!!

Jogn:  I’m fine. Actually more than fine I feel great right now. Just give us about 15 minutes, Paul and I still need to sort something out  😏

Dongo:  OKAY TOOOO MUCH INFORMATION BYE AGAIN peace and love 

Professor B Epstein:  Great, John! Nice that you and Paul are best buddies again!

Geroje:  ...

Jogn changed Professor B Epstein’s name to Eppy.

Eppy:  Ah that’s better! Now I feel like I blend in. 

Jogn added Paul to the group.

Jogn changed Paul’s name to Johnny’s Boy.

Dongo changed Johnny’s Boy’s name to John’s pretty princess Paulie.

John’s pretty princess Paulie: come on John I’m waiting!

Geroje:  eww stop 

Geroje added George Martin to the group.

Eppy:  O.o 

Eppy:  oh...uh...uh.... hello George. 

George Martin: omg hey gaylord 

Eppy:  yep that’s me...

Dongo:  pfffttt GAYLORD HAHA

It was now 6:30 pm because fuck yeah random time skip bitches! John had showered after 3 hours of purely just kissing Paul. Paul was sat on the bed wearing the blue princess dress and tiara. He was also holding a FULL LENGTH MIRROR IN HIS LAP.

“WhAt ThE hElL aRe YoU dOiNg?” John cried.

“Doing my eyebrows...”

“That’s a big ass mirror.”

“I have big ass e y e b r o w s.”

The Bitch Boys

18:31

Jogn:  I think Paul’s finally lost it

Geroje:  only just now???

Dongo:  why John 

Jogn:  he’s using the full length mirror to do his eyebrows 

Eppy:  is he feeling okay??? Do I need to phone a doctor?? Martian what should we do??

Geroje:  MARTIAN omg I can’t

Jogn changed George Martin’s name to Martian.

Eppy:  It was one spelling error bitch please. 

Martian:  omg I love that

Eppy:  I am on my way to the party. Martian do you need a lift?

Martian:  oh yes please that would be sick

So Joj, Bongo and Jawn were setting up the decorations and food. George ate half the food.Paul was still in a mood with George and Ringo so didn’t come out of the room. Then he ran across the corridor to the toilet, and then back to the room with toilet paper stuck in his dress. George ran to the room before he locked the door, put Paul in the same bodybag he put him in earlier, and dragged him to the party. Then Martian and Gaylord arrived at the apartment. 

“I brought a bottle of whiskey.” Brian said. “For us to-“

John snatched the bottle off him and downed the whiskey. 

“...share....” Brian threw a vase at his head. Everyone stood there in silence for half an hour. 

“This is a very eventful party.” Ringo mumbled. 

“I want food!” George cried. Paul got out of his body bag. Acting like he was “fashionably late” . 

“BAHAHAHA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING!?!??!” Martin laughed hysterically. 

“My gaydar is going absolutely crazy right now.” Said Brian. Paul cried and ran into John’s arms. John kissed Paul’s head, reassuring him everything was alright. 

“That makes sense.” Brian mumbled.

John took Paul back to the bedroom to calm down. George ate all 69 packets of biscuits. Brian and other George ate the party food. Ringo ate his drumsticks.

“Ringo, why?” Martian asked concerned.

“Oh shit i thought they were breadsticks.” 

Then the apartment was filled with a hungolomghnonoloughongous MOAN. coming from the McLennon bedroom. Ringo shat himself and ate more  ~~ breadsticks  ~~ drumsticks. George ate one of his plants (and the soil). Brian dropped his glass and Martin jumped out of the window (breaking through it obviously because that’s how you open a window). Then because they were that scared, they all got super duper DRUNK. 

Ringo randomly started crying and texted Brian, who was sat across from him.... idiot.

Eppy

20:46

Ringo:  Briaaaaannn I need your hellppppp

Eppy:  What is the matter Ringo?

Ringo:  I love Georgie and I want to be gay with himmmmm.

Eppy:  HAHA YES!! Now Martin owes me a fiver!!!

Ringo:  please I want him 

Eppy:  lol don’t ask me for advice I’m a lonely bitch go talk to him or something idk.

Ringo stumbled over to George and whacked him in the face with his nose. Then sat down next to him. Absolutely shitfaced. 

“GEOOoorOoOoOrge I love you.”

“I love you ToOoOooO bingo.”

“Be my boyfwen.”

“Yeaaaahhhh.”

The pair cuddled and just started crying. Brian didn’t know whether to facepalm because that was the worst love confession ever, clap and congratulate them because he was happy for them, or cry because he lonely as fuck. So instead he stole that fiver from Martin, jumped out of the broken window, and skipped home. George Martin jumped out of the window for the second time tonight and fell in a bush. Paul’s princess party was absolute shite because he wasn’t even there for half of it. So they had seggs and George made a mental note never to throw a party ever again. 


	7. What happen when get pergenat?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Paul get an unexpected surprise...
> 
> I’m sorry it’s come to this I ran out of ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in my online lesson. Also my friend now refers to me as ‘my little Princess Paulie’ and I don’t even know what to say about that... especially with the next few chapters...

It was two weeks after the shitty princess party. And McLennon and starrison were still going strong (whoopee!) However Paul had recently started being sick. And Paul being sick made George be sick as well due to the smell. John spent all of his days looking after him instead of doing essays for uni. He was falling behind but who gives a shit lol.

The Bitch Boys

10:56

Jogn: Paul has thrown up on the rug

Geroje:  nooooo not the Elmo rug!!!!

Dongo:  that was a special rug!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  it was fucking ugly

Geroje:  bro don’t disrespect the rug

Eppy:  Why am I still here?

Jogn:  please someone get a doctor I’m worried about my baby

Eppy:  I know a brilliant doctor who might be able to help.

Jogn:  PLEASE SEND ME HIS NUMBER

Eppy: 0666 420 6969

Dongo:  bruh that’s an actual phone number...

So John rang the strange number just to hear heavy breathing on the other end. 

“H..hello??” John said quietly.

“Hiyaaaa! Dr Robert here. How can I help you?” Some strange man on the other end replied.

“Hi my boyfriend won’t stop being sick...”

“Bruh that’s probably just a stomach bug stop being a wuss.”

“In the mornings...”

“Idk lol just bring him down here then. But if it is just a stomach bug and you’re just wasting my time I’ll fucking rip your face off bitch.”

“Oh...okay we will come down around 1pm then???”

“Sure, whatever.”

John dropped his phone to the floor. Then fell head first into the sick covered Elmo rug. Paul, still wearing his princess dress, threw up again on John’s head. 

Paul put a fur coat over his princess dress and got in Ringo’s car (or whatever it is anymore). They had to set off two hours early, even though it was 20 minutes down the road, because Ringo’s car was now only capable of driving 5 miles an hour (but it still driveable hehe). George passed out in the front seat. As soon as Ringo started driving, Paul threw up on the back of his head. Then George looked at Ringo’s sick soaked head, and threw up in his ear. John got out and sat in the boot for the rest of the journey because he didn’t want to deal with that shit anymore. 

At 12:59:99:99:99:99..... they arrived at the hospital, waiting for Dr Robert. Then some tiny old man came into the waiting room.

“Who’s that little old man?” Joj asked.

“It’s not my grandfather this time.” Paul replied.

“Mr McCartney please.... and you better not be wasting my time boy!” The doctor called. 

Paul got up, his princess dress getting a lot of stares from other people in the waiting room. John came with him because he thought Paul was going to be killed. George and Ringo came to watch. 

“Right so what’s the problem?” Dr Robert said, eating the cotton wool balls out of a tub. 

“I’ve been feeling very sick recently. But it’s always in the mornings....” the word sick made George throw up so a nurse rushed him to another cubicle, Ringo following behind to comfort his boyfriend.

“THATS PROBABLY JUST A STOMACH BUG BITCH WHY DID YOU COME HERE!!??” Doctor Robert screamed, his face turning read and steam coming out of his ears. 

“....and I’ve been eating wierd shit.”

“THATS WHATS PROBABLY MAKING YOU SICK!!!” 

“No!! I’ve been eating wierd shit BECAUSE I’m sick!!!” 

“Like what....”

“Jelly beans on toast, ice cream and hot sauce, mashed potato with chocolate sauce... sometimes I prefer raspberry tho-“

“oh okay... bare with me...”

Dr Robert screamed and ran out of the room and down the corridor. Then came back a second later and popped his head in, holding a clipboard and pen.

“Wait have you...like ummm... done the dirty...with a man recently by any chance?”

John gulped. Paul wet himself.

“Uh yeah y’know actually I have y’know.”

Dr Robert scribbled a penis drawing on the clipboard. Then screamed, ran out the room and came back with an ultrasound machine. 

“Wait doctor what’s going on?!” Paul asked concerned. “Am I really sick!??” 

“No there might just be another person in this room.” 

John looked around confused. Dr Robert plugged in the machine and spread the jelly over Paul’s stomach. Then licked it off him. He swallowed the Jelly and then scanned his stomach. 

“What is that black dot?!!” Paul cried concerned. 

“Congratulations you are pregananant Mr McCartney! You should be due sometime in June!” 

“PREGANANANT!!???!???”

Paul just about died on the hospital bed.

“How is that even possible?!?” Cried John. “He still has his... thingy.”

“He was born with a uterus as well.”

“In his arse????”

“Kinda yeah. I can’t be bothered explaining the sciencey side to you dummies.”

“Ok”

John dragged Paul’s limp body to Ringo’s car. Ringo was smoking a fat joint in the car because something George related had stressed him out. God knows where George was. He was probably still in the hospital. John and Paul sat in silence, avoiding eye contact with eachother. Ringo was just enjoying that fat ass joint and didn’t even realise they were there. Then George hurried to the car, got in, and sat in silence and avoided eye contact with Ringo. 

Then he  set off and drove ~~straight through the hospital because he’s HIGH bitches~~ home, where there was more awkward silence. John texted Paul because he was scared.

John’s pretty princess Paulie

15:30

John:  Paul this is a miracle! A baby!!!

John’s pretty princess Paulie: JOHN THIS IS NOT A FUCKING MIRACLE!!! THIS IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO TELL THE OTHERS?!!??? EVEN WORSE WHAT ARE WE GOING TO TELL BRIAN?!?? OR MARTIN!!???? OH MY GOD WHAT ABOUT ME DAD!!!!!?????!!!!!! WE ARE UNIVERSITY STUDENTS WE CANT AFORD A CHILD!!!! WHYYYYY ME!!!! 

John:  don’t worry I can get a part time job to help with the baby. 

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  no John! There will be no baby. I’m getting rid of it! 

John:  no babe! You can’t do that!!! It’s our creation Paulie! Don’t you realise how rare this is to happen to a man. We can be a family!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  John, I can’t do this. I will miss most of this uni year! I’ll never catch up and get my degree. :(

John:  you could take a gap year

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  yeah I guess. My dad will still kill me though.

John:  pleaseeeeee can we have the baby 

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  fine. Just don’t tell Geo or Ringo. Not yet, it’s too early. 

John cuddled Paul with a grin the size of the moon. Paul just rolled his pretty ass eyes. Then he ate jelly beans on toast. 

A few months later.... (because we love a time skip) 

John woke up next to Paul on a cold February morning. They were both snuggled underneath the thick duvets. Paul was wearing nothing but a pair of underwear with John’s face on them. John stroked Paul’s stomach which was now a small bump. He had started showing about a week ago. Paul wriggled around and nuzzled his face into John’s neck.

“These are the best types of mornings” John mumbled sleepily. Paul giggled in his sleep. “Just me, you and this wonderful creation.” John caressed the bump with his thumb delicately. (Why is John such a big softie now wtf) 

Paul woke up and ate John’s face. George ran in with a cat off the street, wearing the thicccest dressing gown ever (Seriously what was he hiding under there o.O) with Ringo chasing after him. Paul immediately covered himself and the bump up with the duvets, pulling them off of John completely and leaving him butt naked. Ringo Just stared at them awkwardly. 

Well then....


	8. PREGANANANT!!??!?!?!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George and Ringo surprise John and Paul and John and Paul surprise George and Ringo. And Brian’s a nanny. Also more tears.... a lot of tears

It was a very exciting day for the McLennons. The day that they would find out the gender of the baby. They managed to sneak out of the apartment at 06:30 in the morning to get the bus to Dr Robert. Paul was the size of the whole planet.... just kidding, he had grown a little bit but he could only just manage hiding the bump from the boys. Recently he had been wearing his big fur coat around the house. George had been wearing his thiccc dressing gown 24/7 also saying that the apartment was too ‘cold’... it was like still February so they had the heating on though.... also he enjoyed Paul’s jelly beans on toast. 

They arrived at Dr Robert’s and he was eating bandages. Then they sat in the waiting room for an hour for him to stop eating his meal.

The Bitch Boys

8:01

Geroje:  where the fuck are you two?

Jogn:  uhhhh uni

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  yeah uni

Martian:  aww shit I’ve slept in late agian!

Eppy:  But it’s Sunday......

Martian:  oh thank fuck

Jogn:  shit

Dongo:  so where are you then....

Jogn:  hospital... for Paul

Dongo:  oh no is John’s pregnant princess Paulie alright

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  what the fuck...

Jogn:  how did you know!!??!

Dongo:  pretty***

Jogn: oh

Geroje:  wait WHAT THE FUCK

Jogn:  hahah just kidding..

Paul slapped John and then got called into the doctors office. Where the same routine of doctor Robert spreading jelly on him, then licking it.... y’know. He scanned Paul’s stomach ... and there it was. 

“Uhhhh.” Said doctor Robert.

“What is there something wrong with my baby!!?!?” Paul cried, clutching his bump.

“No, it’s just that there’s an actual baby in there.”

“Well is it a boy or a girl then?!?” John complained impatiently.

“Congratulations it’s a baby girl!” 

Paul started crying. John cuddled him, his smile looking like the fucking joker.

“Oh my, John!! A baby girl!!! I bet she is going to be gorgeous!!! I can dress her in the prettiest dresses!!!!” 

“I’ve always wanted a girl!!!”

“.... but there’s a chance one of you can die during childbirth.”

John looked at Paul worriedly. Paul started WAILING. So John cuddled Paul and the bump more tightly. 

“Oh doctor! What are the chances that we will both survive? Is there anything we can do to stop that?” 

“It’s possible, but slim. I’m sorry there isn’t much we can do Mr McLennon... sorry I meant Mccartney.”

Paul left the hospital crying his eyes out. And so did John. They flooded the bus on the way home with tears. When they were on the bus they saw Ringo and George in Ringo’s car (you couldn’t miss how battered it was and his shit driving) then it crashed into the bus. When they got home,Brian was stood at the door with an ugly fluffy jumper on, holding some flowers. 

“Hello Brian.” Mumbled John.“Come in.” 

“Hello there!!” The man replied, skipping into the apartment in the most bright sunshiny mood ever. “I brought these for Paul as I heard that he wasn’t too well.”

Paul’s coat moved as he took the flowers from Brian and revealed part of the bump.

“Oh my Paul! I seem to have noticed that you have put a bit of weight on!” 

John gulped. Paul quickly wrapped the coat over the bump insecurely. 

“You don’t have to be insecure about your weight gain Paul, it’s only natural.”

Paul then took the coat off and revealed the bump in shame. Brian’s eyes grew to the size of LIVERPOOL. 

“Con...uhhh...congratulations.... who’s the father?!”

“It’s me Brian.” John mumbled, “please don’t get us in trouble with the principal.”

“That’s lovely boys. Can I be the nanny?”

“But your a man.”

“Please.”

“Sure, whatever.”

“I guess that means you will be taking a gap year?”

“Yes. Both of us actually y’know.”

“And have you told the others?”

“Nope.”

“I think you should.”

“Nope.”

Then George and Ringo stormed into the apartment crying their eyes out. Paul immediately put the coat back on and covered his belly. George was still wearing that goddamn thicc dressing gown. 

“George what’s the matter?” Paul asked curiously. 

“IM going to DIE!!! And it’s all RINGOS FAULT!!!”

“What did he do to you?”

Ringo pooped. 

George quickly held his jacket open to reveal a BABY BUMP. Brian fainted. And then Paul immediately stood up facing him and opened his jacket and revealed HIS BABY BUMP. Ringo pooped even more. John laughed. 

“YOU TOO?!?!” George screamed.

“IM GOING TO DIE TOO!!!!”

“Wait is yours a girl or a boy?”

“Girl. Yours?”

“Idk yet We are having a gender reveal party.”

“That’s cute. AlSo I thought we were never having a party ever again. BUT STILL WE ARE GOING TO DIE!!!”

George and Paul ran to hug eachother but bounced off each other’sbellies and fell on the sick covered elmo carpet. Then cuddled eachother and cried.

“Can i be the nanny?” Brian interrupted.

“How can we afford two little babies?” John asked Ringo. 

“We need to get- “

“ILL PAY FOR ANYTHING YOU WANT! YOU LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AND ILL GET IT STRAIGHT AWAY!!!”

“Brian no that’s too much to ask for.”

“I AM SUPERNANNY !!!”

So before any of the boys could say a word, Brian rushed out and bought a Turquoise Pram for the McLennon baby and a Purpley red pram for the Starrison baby, a cot for each of the rooms, some cuddly toys and a SHIT TON of Nappies. That many that a full on LORRY had to deliver them. Brian was the best nanny ever. We love Brian.


	9. Joj’s birthday bash!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George has saved the gender reveal until his birthday, where another shit party happens, even though he swore to never have a party again. More tears.

They decided to throw the gender reveal party on George’s birthday because that’s some cute shit okay. Ringo was that nervous that he kept pooping himself every 10 minutes. so he had to borrow some of the nappies that Brian got for the babies. Because George used to be so SKINNY, so skinny that the boys were scared that a slight gust of wind would blow him away, none of his clothes would fit him anymore, apart from a wizard Halloween costume from last year. So he wore the dress part of that. 

The Bitch Boys

10:25

Jogn: AYYY HAPPY BDAY JOJ

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  happy birthday lil brother and baby mamma

Geroje:  you’re literally in the same room as me come say it to my face bitch

Dongo:  happy birthday to the most wonderful boyfriend in the whole world! I am so so lucky and blessed to have you as my baby mummy. I promise we will make this birthday the best 22nd birthday ever for you Georgie luv. Hare Krishna baby Peace and love  ❤️❤️❤️❤️💞💞💞😘😘😘🥦🥦💓✨✨💓✨🕉🕉🕉🕉🕉🕉🕉🕉☮️☮️☮️🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉

Geroje:  awww thank you my darling  ❤️

Jogn: WHAT HES IN THE SAME ROOM TOO!!?!

Dongo:  🤰 <\- baby mummy Georgie

Geroje:  aww baby!!!  😘😘😘😍😍

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  i think my morning sickness has come back again.

Jogn:  no princess that’s just them two

Geroje:  bitch

Martian:  merry Christmas!!!

Eppy:  it’s his fucking birthday. Also Have a splendid birthday George!!  🎉

Martian:  oh yeah it’s February. Happy Birthday Hazza!!!

Geroje:  haha thanks guys. Coming to my party later?

Eppy:  ....

Martian:  not after last time that was shit bro soz

Geroje:  oh my Krishna guys please it’s my 22nd birthday!!! And gender reveal party. If you miss it I will cry.

Dongo:  and nobody upsets my georgie worgy.

Eppy:  fine. we will be there. 

Then Ringo, John and Paul got into Ringos shit car thing and drove back to....none other than...tesco (yes it’s return of the Tesco because we love tesco bitch). George wrote them a shopping list of what to get and stayed at home to sleep (because who doesn’t love a list)

_ Shopping List _

_ (Please don’t leave John in charge of the shopping thanks, Geo) _

  * _Toilet roll (that shit is empty because me and Paul keep peeeeeing)_
  * _Biscuits (the whole shelf will do thanks)_
  * _Party food (you can let John choose something)_
  * _A t-shirt or something size XXXXXXXL_
  * _Broccoli for my big ass nosed boyfriend_
  * _Banana milk for McLennon_
  * _New pants for Ringo (get at least 10 spare pairs)_
  * _A banner saying “happy birthday George”_
  * _I also expect balloons_
  * _And a DJ (you should find that at Tesco they sell all sorts)_
  * _Cupcakes_
  * _watch dogs: legion_
  * _A thingy_
  * _Napkins and paper plates (must be purple or I will FREAK)_



So  they got absolutely everything from Tesco apart from the DJ and Purple plates and napkins. As soon as they got back, George and his crazy mood swings rummaged through the bags to thoroughly check the items (it ain’t airport security fucking chill joj)

“OH MY KRISHNA JOHN!!! I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR PURPLE PLATES AND NAPKINS!!! AND YOU GOT GREEEEEN!!!!”

“Green’s a nicer colour anyway.”

“NO ITS FUCKING NOT. AND WHERES MY DJ.”

“Oh DJ... I thought you said Djungleskog bear.”

“WHY. THE. FUCK. DO I WANT A DJUNGLESKOG BEAR YOU BLIND FUCK!?!??”

“Happy birthday???”

George threw a glass at John. And then immediately started crying into Ringo’s arms. Ringo did a backwards piece sign to John (yeah so basically he was giving him the V-sign and telling him fuck the hell off).

Gaylord and Martian arrived half an hour later with more nappies (for Ringo). Oh and the gender reveal cake of course, which had to be hidden from George so he wouldn’t eat it. Paul was asleep on the sofa rubbing his fat ass bump. John was still picking pieces of glass out of his head because George is a fucking psycho. 

“Hello all!” Cried Brian in the same cheery manner. “How are my gorgeous grandchildren doing?”

“You aren’t the grandparent to our babies.” Said George bluntly.

“Bitch you said I could be the nanny a week ago!” Angry Brian was scary.

“Fine.” 

The party was better than last time. Not by much. But is was still better. There had been no temper tantrums yet and Brian seemed to have come out of his shell and enjoying himself for once. 

“Whooohooooo!!!” Brian cried, taking a huge swig of whiskey, as he galloped around the house on the back of a dinosaur balloon. Martin opened the window to jump out of it but John and Ringo had to stop him. Paul woke up to a text.

Dad

16:17

Dad:  what are you playing at?!?? I haven’t seen you in 6 months

Paul:  I’ve been sick.

Dad:  sick for 6 months?! That’s bullshit I’m coming over tomorrow.

Paul:  no you don’t need to come.

Dad:  and I’m bringing Mike 

Paul:  seriously there’s no need.

Dad:  I WANT TO SEE MY SON!

Paul:  ok.

Paul screamed, then threw up. John comforted him by doing the spider hand thingy. He then brought a sobbing Paul into a hug and rubbed his bump. 

“How about we have some cake yeah?” John cooed. Kissing Paul on the forehead. 

“OMG YES CAKE!!!” Cried George.

Everyone gathered around the kitchen counter and John got a lighter. Eppy got the cake out of the toilet, where he had hidden it from George.John tried to light the candles but they wouldn’t light. He tried again... and again.... he tried like 50 times to light the goddamn candles but they still wouldn’t light. John turned around to throw the lighter in the bin because it ran out. Then the whole cake SET ON FIRE!!!! John turned around and just stared at the firey cake. Nobody even sung happy birthday to George, just stared at the burning cake in silence. 

“God Eppy! What did you put in that cake?” Paul asked.

“Whiskey.”

“No wonder then! Nearly burned the whole apartment down! And them two can’t eat boozy cake anyway, they are pregnant.” Ringo answered, kinda angrily (even ringos angry wow). 

“Well we can’t eat it now can we! It’s fucking cremated! And we won’t even be able to tell what colour the actual cake is!!” Cried Georgevisibly upset.

“Happy birthday?” Said John. Brian rolled his eyes and handed George and Ringo the hospital letter with the gender of the baby on. 

George opened it and Ringo just stared at the writing with eyes as big as England. 

“Well go on! Tell us!” Moaned John, impatient ass (sorry John I love you as well).

“We are having a little boy!!!” George cheered. Ringo picked him up and swung him around with the biggest grin on his face. (Awww how cute). 

“A little girl and a little boy!” Cried Brian with heart eyes. “How adorable!!!” 


	10. The unexpected (and very unwanted) visit from Jim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim visits the apartment.... it’s not good.. Ringo causes trouble, John is scared (and horny), Paul cries and George is just there.

Paul was absolutely FREAKING THE FUCK OUT the next day. For two reasons

  1. His dad and brother were coming over and he would have to tell them about the baby.
  2. He and George were going to ~~give birth to two happy and healthy babies and live a happy ever after with their partners~~ DIE.



Paul took some of the nappies for himself. Because he was shitting himself.He was sat in the corner of his and John’s bedroom fucking hyperventilating. John walked in the room and his HARD ON sprung out of his pants and he drooled all over himself at the sight of Paul wearing nothing but a LACY bra and a nappy, showing off Paul’s new large mounds on his chest. 

“Please don’t look at my tits like that, it’s making me uncomfortable John.”

John immediately ran over and cupped them in his hands. 

“OUCCHHH JOHN!! You know they are so SORE.” 

“But Paul I LOVE THEM!!”

“STOOPOOPPPPP!!!!”

Then there was a loud knock at the door. Paul filled the nappy, then put on some stretchy maternity leggings (honestly tesco is an absolute SAVIOUR for selling those) and that big fur coat to hide the bump for now. He thought it would be rude to show his dad, who hasn’t seen him for half a year and was extremely worried about him, the big ass bump put there by the one and only bad boy Lennon, as soon as he came through the door. While Paul got ready (and filled another entire nappy), Jim and Mike were greeted at the door by John. Mike gave John a fist bump. Jim frowned at the sight of John, still not approving of his and Paul’s new (kinda) relationship.

“Where’s Paul?” He asked, shoving John out of the way and making his way into the apartment, where he was greeted by George, eating a packet of digestives, wearing a pink bra and some sweatpants, his smaller bump clearly on show. 

“Oh uhhh...hello George. You look much different to when you were 15... put some weight on then? Eating all that crap won’t help.”

“Hey Mr McCartney! Don’t worry I’m eating for two!” George rubbed his bump. Jim turned pale and looked at George in horror.

“Dad don’t be rude. It’s not like it’s Paul or anything!” Mike cried. John mouthed “oh shit” behind their back. 

Then Paul waddled out of the bedroom with that thicc fur coat on. 

“Hello father.” Mumbled Paul.

“Paul why are you wearing a massive coat in your house???”

“It’s cold.”

“The heating is on!!”

The Bitch Boys

12:34

Dongo:  just tell him Paul

Geroje:  yeah just tell him, he didn’t react to bad with me

Eppy:  ooo who are we telling what?? I love me some tea!

Geroje:  we are telling Paul’s dad about McLennon baby.

Dad

12:36

Paul:  I can’t tell him about the baby just yet!!!

“Excuse me boys, I have a text email thing.”

Jim put on his s p e c t a c l e s and held his phone right to his face, he was struggling to work out his password (bless him) but after 10 minutes he finally opened the text.

“Tell who about what baby?” He asked, scratching his head.

“Oh shitttt I sent it to my dad and not the group!!!”

“Paul have you knocked up a girl?”

“No...”

“Then what baby?”

.......

“His, sir.” Ringo mumbled, extremely scared. Paul took off the coat in shame, refusing to meet eye contact with his father. Mike fainted.

“JAAAAAMEEEEESSSS!!!!!!!”

Paul booted Ringo out of the window and onto the streets. George fainted also. Paul then cried into John’s shoulder.

“Who’s the father James!?!?!” (Ooo he’s calling him James now, someone’s mad) John looked down, frightened.

.....

“WHOS THE FUCKING DADDY!!????”

“John, sir!” Ringo shouted down from the street.

John just died in the chair. 

“James Paul McCartney.... this is why I didn’t want you to be gay... because of the thingy... extra parts...”

“wait!!?? You KNOW!!??”  ~~ James  ~~ Paul was furious. 

“Yes, we have known since you were born.”

“THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!? WE COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS.” Paul pointed at the huge bump attached to him.

“No paul this is a miracle!!!” John butted in.

“I don’t even know what’s worse, you being pregnant or the dad is bad boy Lennon.”

“I’m right here y’know!” John snapped. “And this is our baby, and we are keeping it. So if you don’t like it then jus-“

Jim quickly ran out of the apartment, came back and grabbed Mike’s arm (because he forgot him) and ran back out. Paul ran towards the window to see Ringo sat on the pavement at the bottom.

“McSCUSE ME BITCH!!!?!????” He screamed from the 4th floor window. 

“It didn’t go that bad did it?”

“Well he’s definitely MAD!”

“Can I come back in?”

“NO!”

A few weeks went by where it was purely just Ringo shouting up to Paul if he could come in, and Paul shouting back ‘no’. George was very upset because he missed his baby daddy but didn’t speak up because one, he’s the quiet one and two, he didn’t want to face Paul’s explosive mood swings. Paul was just ending his second trimester. 

“Where are our babies going to sleep and play when they arrive?” John asked, realising they lived in an apartment and shared bedrooms. 

“We have a storage room, we could get rid of a lot of stuff in there and turn it into a nursery?” George suggested. Paul got excited about decorating a new nursery for the babies and wet himself. 

“Sounds like a plan.” John said, clapping his hands together.


	11. He belong to da streets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ringo the poor soul is still on the streets. Paul and John are still stuck together (yes that means more f͜͡l͜͡u͜͡f͜͡f͜͡ ) George just wants Ringo back, but will Paul give him a second chance, or will George have to deal with the rest of the pregananananananancy alone..... dun dun duuuunnnn!

After another few weeks of tidying the storage room for the babies (and arguing about what colour they should paint the walls), the room was empty. And they decided to go with pastel yellow and white for the nursery (because who DOESN’T love yellow c’mon guys it’s the best colour).

The Bitch Boys

11:28

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  Brian, we need you to get us something.

Eppy: Anything for my boys! What can I get you?

Jogn:  Get some light green paint for the walls of the nursery.

Geroje:  Not this again! I thought we agreed on pastel yellow!

Jogn:  oh shit yeah Pastel yellow sorry 

Eppy:  omg John I just bought green. Now I have to exchange it you idiot!

Dongo:  I’m running out of data sat out here can I please use your WiFi?

Geroje:  of course! I will come out and bring you a nice warm blanket and some soup.

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  NOOOOOO!!!

So Brian came round with the yellow paint, which reminded the boys of Brian to be honest because it was a warm and happy colour. So they decided to call the nursery Brian. And of course Brian was thrilled to have the nursery named after him. Paul grabbed the paint from him and waddled to the Brian nursery. George went down to the piece of cardboard that Ringo was sleeping on with a bowl of soup and a blanket. Ringo’s hair was now long and he had grown a beard. He was also very stinky. 

“Hey love, I brought you some food. Drink it while it’s hot.”

Ringo was ravenous. He DOWNED the soup and let out the biggest BURP ever. 

“I wish I could come home Georgie. I don’t want to miss any more time with our little one.”

“I know... I do as well. I promise you I will speak to Paul... when he’s in a good mood that is.”

“Thank you George.” Ringo gave him a soft peck before George went back inside to cry. 

Meanwhile John walked into the Brian nursery, to check on Paul, who was wearing large dungarees and a black tee and was jumping and dancing around to the best of his ability, singing along to Elvis, using the paintbrush in his left hand as a microphone. (That was one LONG ass sentence sorry) John stood at the doorway and smiled to himself. Paul was in his element. When the music stopped and Paul dipped the paintbrush into the tin, John approached him from behind and wrapped his arms around his not-so waist. 

“You shouldn’t be doing this y’know. I should be helping yer.” John said in his ear, resting his head on his shoulder. 

“I’m okay John. Thanks luv.”

“Is there anything I can get yer?” John kissed his cheek delicately. 

“I only want you Johnny.. and this little one to be alright. Even if I don’t make it.”

“Paul... you will... don’t say things like that and get yourself worked up. It’s bad for the baby.”

“I know John, but what if...” Paul wiped away a tear and smeared yellow paint on his cheek.

“Hey now, come ‘ere.” John cooed, rocking Paul from side to side as he cuddled him. 

(Why is everyone crying all the time?? Are you sure this isn’t a bunch of babies and not uni students???)

The three of them ate their lunch together, leaving poor Ringo out on the streets. George didn’t really feel like eating much so just moved his food around the plate with his fork. Paul on the other hand, was scoffing up all of the mashed potato and raspberry sauce, his favourite meal, after jelly beans on toast. When he finished, he looked up to notice George, clearly unhappy, with his untouched food. (Whhaaaat ?? This is very unlike George he’s always eating).

“What’s up George?” Asked Paul worriedly.

“Nothing I’m fine.” He mumbled back.

“George, I can clearly see there is something wrong, you can tell me, your big brother.”

George slammed the fork down on the plate and got up. 

“Paul! I’m sick of you and your mood swings! I want Ringo back. I know what he did was unfair, but what’s more unfair is that the father of MY baby is sat out there on the streets starving to death and missing out on the growth of the baby. I don’t want him to be born without his father by my side!” George screamed. (Wow joj has no chill). Paul was speechless. He sat there in surprise and grabbed his bump (seriously what is he trying to protect the baby for. (But George is a psycho in this so I don’t blame him tbh(also triple BRRRRACKETS BITCH!!!)))

“Fine, get him up here.” Paul sighed, just sick of everyone’s shit.

George ran out of the apartment in 0.420 seconds and out onto the pavement. Ringo had made a drum set with some tins and twigs he had found and a cardboard house, the problem was that it was soaked due to the RAIN. Because it’s ENGLAND BITCH ITS ALWAYS RAINING. 

“Hello Georgie and Baby.” 

Ringo looked like absolute shite. He was tired and cold and wet and smelly and dirty.

“Hey Rings, Paul said you can come back!!!”

“Wot really??”

“Yeah, let’s get you showered and shaved.”

“Awwww HELL YEAH!!This beard is annoying as fuck!”

So Ringo showered and shaved, but kept the long hair and put it in a man bun because George thought he would love it on him and look handsome. Turns out George was EXTREMELY jealous of how soft and flowy and PERFECT it looked, and made him shave it back to his mop top. So George could grow his hair long and luscious. (Goodbye Arthur you will be missed :( )


	12. How do you sleep??? (Omg I’m so sorry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops.... I’m sorry John, you are my favourite... I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I felt uninspired and had a lot of work to do. I’m now free so hopefully I can finish whatever this is before I get shit tons of work.

* * *

It was now April... because I was honestly uninspired and I had no other ideas of shit to write about so we time skipped nearer to the due dates bitches!!! ....George was happier with Ringo back and eating more SHIT than ever. Paul’s back was hurting so much, he was now 7 months along and his bump was MASSIVE, like the size of the whole UNIVERSE!!! So John grabbed a beanbag, tons of cushions, a Djungleskog bear, blankets, pillows to create a nest for Paul to sit in (and never get up from ever again). George was also 7 months along, but he was dealing with the situation much better just by eating food. Because food just solves all problems doesn’t it. 

The Bitch Boys

22:56

John’s pretty princess Paulie: Johnnnnn, my feet hurt, please rub them.

Geroje:  Krishna Paul! Give him a break, he’s been running around after you all day!!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  GEORGE!!! I thought you would have more sympathy as you are literally going through the EXACT same thing as me at the EXACT SAME TIME!!!! 

Dongo: yeah I agree with Geo, he has had a hard day. 

Geroje:  iTs BeEn A hArD dAyS nIgHt, aNd IvE bEeN wOrKiNg LiKe A dOg

Dongo:  iTs BeEn A hArD dAyS nIgHt, I sHoUlD bE sLeEpInG lIkE a LoG.

John’s pretty princess Paulie: oh yeah I thought you would!!!! TRY CARRYING THIS FOR 7 MONTHS YOU BITCH. OH WAIT NEVERMIND, YOUR NOSE IS THE SIZE OF THIS WHOLE FUCKIN APARTMENT ANYWAY SO I GUESS YOU ARE USED TO IT!!!!

Geroje:  chill pol, please. Let’s carry on singing this absolute banger. 

Ringo just fucking cried. (I feel sorry for poor bingo he’s had it rough throughout this..... 1 kudo = 1 Ringo saved) Then he ran to the bathroom to take a poop. On the way back from the bathroom he saw John the housewife, wearing a maid dress, who was on his hands and knees, cleaning the sick soaked Elmo rug for the fifth time today.He got up from cleaning most of the rug, then passed out and hit his head on the counter. 

“WAY TO GO PAUL!” George yelled. (Being loud isn’t very Georgey of him). 

“JOHN!!!” Paul got up out of the nest quickly but fell back down into it again with his legs in the air. Ringo laid him down on the floor and saw that his head was bleeding, George fainted. 

“PAUL RING AN AMBULANCE!!!” 

Paul’s arm stuck out of the nest and grabbed his phone. Then he rung the police, then panicked and rang fireman Sam, then Bob Dylan for some weed, then for the ambulance. It came in 69 seconds (nice) and took John to the hospital, still in his maid dress. Another paramedic put Paul in a wheelchair because that’s kind and into the back of the ambulance to stay with his  ~~ DEAD  ~~ unconscious boyfriend. Ringo put  ~~ DEAD  ~~ unconscious George into his car (HOW THE FUCK DOES IT STILL WORK???) and why is George always unconscious in the car. 

Paul was very stressed and literally thought he was going to shit the baby out. Nurses had to calm him down and remind him that he had another TWO WHOLE ASS MONTHS LEFT. 

(Now for some serious angsty shit okay)

Paul couldn’t stop thinking about John. 

“What have I done?! I’ve killed John!” Paul cried to a nurse, who was scanning his bump to check if baby McLennon was alright.

“You haven’t killed him, he’s just in a coma.” She replied softly. “And baby seems to be just fine!”

Paul started WAILING, making all of the other babies in the ward start too. 

“I’m such a selfish person! I had him run around after me and do everything for my fat arse! And now he might not be able to see our daughter be born!!” 

“No Mr McCartney, you’re not selfish at all. You can go see him if you like?”

“I don’t know if I can face him after what I’ve done.”

“I’m sure he would like you to visit, he will be able to hear you.”

“I’m sorry nurse, I can’t...” Paul wiped his tears on the curtain around the bed. She smiled and left, (probably because she didn’t get paid to deal with that shit) Leaving him ducking crying on his own.

Ringo and George arrived at the hospital about 5 hours later because the car is absolute shiteee. They ran into the peacefully quiet room, the only sound was beeping noises from the machines surrounding an unconscious John. His chest was moving up and down slowly under the covers. He also had a big ass bandage wrapped around his head, all cleaned up and a much better sight than his bloody head at the apartment. George sat down in the chair next to the bed. He held John’s limp hand. 

“Hello John... can you hear me??”

John did not reply (obviously he’s in a fucking coma duh), however he could hear George perfectly fine, but inside his head they were sat around a fucking campfire. He wondered to himself where Paul was, then cried in his head because he couldn’t see him or hear him. 

“John!!!” Ringo slapped him. 

“Richard!!! He’s in a coma he’s not going to wake up!!!” 

“Oh shit sorry.”

“Poor John, Say sorry to him.”

“I just did!” Ringo frowned.

“SAY ITTTT!!!”

“I’m sorry John.”

In John’s head, Ringo had pushed John into the campfire and thrown George in as well because he thought he was a stick (the complete opposite skinny bitch to how he was right now). George fell asleep in the chair and Ringo bent John’s fingers apart from his middle one and started flicking off George with John’s hand.Then the door opened and he flicked off the person at the door, then realised it was the nurse, dropped John’s hand and pooped himself. The nurse then kicked Ringo out because he was rude. She then put George in a wheelchair and kicked it down the corridor so it rolled out of the hospital. Bitch. 


	13. Even more surprises...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teeny bit of angst... or if you can call it that because none of this shit is serious.

About another month went by, and John was still  ~~sleeping like a baby~~ in a coma. Paul still refused to see John and was panicking, there was only one month until the baby was due to arrive and her father was in a coma... all because of Paul’s lazy ass. 

The Bitch Boys

15:32

Geroje : we are going to see John, Paul do you want to come?

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  no, I can’t see him, I’m too scared.

Dongo:  come on Paul! It’s not like he’s going to jump out of the bed and strangle you!!

Geroje:  but Paul, he probably misses you. He would love to hear your voice.

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  I will break down when I first see him laying in that bed, I know I will, I can’t deal with the guilt  😭😭

Dongo:  ooo you like emojis too!!!  ☮️🎉🥳❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🕉☮️☮️☮️✌️✌️✌️😇💓✨💞🥦🥦

Geroje:  RICHARD! This is not the time for that! Paul please come!! We will be there to support you!!!

John’s pretty princess Paulie: Fine, but can I stay in the car?

Geroje:  NOO!!! There’s no point in that....

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  George don’t stress me out it’s bad for my baby!!!

Geroje:  you’re stressing ME out and it’s also bad for MY baby!!!!

Dongo:  guys?!? PEACE AND LOVE GUYS STOP FIGHTING!!!!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  fine I’ll cone with you.

Geroje:  HAHAHA CONE!!!

Eppy:  cone.

Martian:  fucking CONE

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  shut

Dongo:  oh hey guys where did you come from

Paul was that nervous that he kept peeing, so he took some spare nappies (poor babies not going to have any by the time they arrive). Ringo was mad because Paul peed in his shit car. 

“Well it’s all old and bashed around anyway!! I just don’t understand why you still have it!!???”

“It’s my baby!!”

“No this is your baby!” George pointed to his stomach. 

They arrived at the hospital, it was already DARK and Paul immediately waddled to the bathroom, locked himself in there for a good 20 minutes and started hyperventilating (and peeing). Ringo and George searched all over the hospital for him, gave up and went to see John.

“Hey Jawnnn. Have you seen Paul?” Ringo asked. John didn’t reply (Well obviously).

“JOHN DONT BE RUDE AND IGNORE ME!!!!” Ringo spat at John. 

“RICHARD STARKEY FOR THE LAST TIME, He’s in a COMA! HE CANT ANSWER YOU!” George screamed. 

After a good half an hour of just staring at John, they decided to leave and get some tea from the hospital cafe, mostly because George was HUNGRY AS FUCK. Paul grew a pair of balls and decided to go and see his boyfriend. He slowly approached the door to the room, turned around, turned BACK around and told himself to stop being a pussy and slowly opened the door. Paul took a deep ass breath and approached John, with tubes sticking in his nose, mouth, arm, arsehole, everywhere, all attached to machines that Paul didn’t know or want to know what they do. He sat down in the chair beside him and felt tears falling down his cheeks. He grabbed John’s limp hand and kissed it softly. In John’s head he was at the altar marrying Elvis. Then the wedding was stopped by Paul. 

“Hey John.... I miss you.... baby girl misses you.... please come back! I’m so so sorry that I took you for granted! I’m such a bad person..” Paul broke down in tears. “I never meant for this to happen! I love you John... just please wake up for me John!!! I know you can!!!” Paul started WAILING AGAIN!!! Then John’s hand moved, and wrapped around his. Paul absolutely shat himself. John’s eyes slowly opened and he looked up to see Paul with eyes the size of the hospital room.

“Pau-“ John mumbled weakly. 

Paul pissed himself, let go of John’s hand and ran off, but fell over  face  bump first and hurt himself. That same nurse had to help him to a hospital bed to check if the baby was okay once again after the fall. Meanwhile John found the strength to sit up, looking around the room for Paul, when he realised he wasn’t there, he got out of bed and stumbled out of the room. His vision was even shittier than it was normally due to the head injury. He managed to get through the door and fell into the wall. A doctor rushed over to help him. 

“Pau... where Pau....” he cried. 

The doctor was sick of this shit so put him in the same room as Paul and locked the door so none of them could get out. Paul was wearing a gown, which beautifully rested on his huge bump. He stood, staring out of the hospital window with tears in his eyes. John just about had the strength to get up and make his way towards Paul, he wrapped his arms around him and the bump from behind and kissed his jaw. 

“Hello baby.” Whispered John in Paul’s ear. 

“Oh John! I’m so so sorry! I hurt you!!! How could you love me after what I’ve done!!” Paul started sobbing. John turned him around so he was facing him and wiped Pauls tears away with his thumb.

“Hey there.. it’s okay princess, I’m here now aren’t I.” He cooed. 

“Yeah... but-“

“Paulie... you saved my life... you rang that ambulance... you stayed by my side... Thank you...” 

“Oh John....”

“And this has made me realise how much you and this little one...” John rubbed the sore looking bump “...means to me, and how I want to be with you forever.”

John turned around to pick a box out of his hospital bag. Then faced the wall and got down on one knee.

“So Paul-“

“I’m here you moron.”

“Oh yeah. Sorry I don’t have my contacts with me.” 

He shifted his position so he was facing a big Paul (seriously how could he miss him).

“So Paul...” he continued, “will yo-“

“SORRY WE ARE LATE!!!” George and Ringo ran into the room. Paul scowled at them.

“Oh, carry on...” George whispered, realising the situation.

“So Paul... will you ma-“

“Good evening Mr Lennon, I have your tea.” 

“OH MY GOD CAN YOU ALL JUST PLEASE FUCK OFF AND LET ME DO WHAT I NEED TO DO!!!!” 

Everyone backed away from John, barricaded the door and just stared in silence.

“So Paul... will you marry me?” John asked with puppy eyes.

“Oh my John! Yes!!” John slid the silver ring with a fat blue sapphire on his ring finger. “Wow John!!! This ring is gorgeous!!”

“Even I’m jealous!” Cried Ringo, looking down at his now disappointing rings. 

“Haha, I got it from Tesco a while back...” (because Tesco sells everything you bitch (sorry for interrupting)) ”I was planning to propose to you on your birthday but y’know, this happened and I’m just lucky to be alive and be here with you my dear.” John explained.

“Oh John!! I love you so much!”

John picked up a heavy Paul (and struggled and nearly passed the fuck out ), twirled him around and gave him a fat kiss. The nurse, Ringo and George started clapping. (And crying) George looked at Ringo in jealousy, subtly suggesting that he did the SAME BITCH. All’s well that ends well ay. 


	14. Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George is being very ungeorgey

* * *

Everyone was finally home from the hospital, including John. John and Paul were now stuck to each other more than ever, George and Ringo hardly ever saw them. McLennon were sat in their bedroom reading one book about baby names, from the leaning tower of baby books and how to plan a wedding books beside them. George was angry because John and Paul were getting married and Ringo wouldn’t propose to them. 

The Bitch Boys

16:23

Geroje:  bitches me and baby are hungry. Also he won’t sleep. I can feel him moving around inside me and it’s fucking wierd. Honestly I just want him to get the fuck out of me. I can’t deal with this anymore. Also I really really want food because I’m starving. And maybe he will stop moving around if I give him food because that’s the only thing that settles him down. He’s like me really. Honestly I don’t blame him food is amazing you know. There’s just so much of it and different types and I just want to eat it all. I know I ate like a whole 3 course meal 10 minutes ago but I’m hungry again. I’m going to be such a fat bitch I know but I can’t help it. It’s his fault. I really think we should call him Carl you know. It’s such a good name and it reminds me of Carl Perkins. Oh my Krishna! It would mean the world to me if I could meet him. I love him so much. But yeah I don’t really care what you say schnoz I’m calling him Carl. And don’t you dare even try to argue with me because it’s my baby that I have been carrying for nearly 9 months. And these big ass badonkers are so SORREEE. Honestly if I got on all fours I would resemble a fucking cow. It really fucking hurts and just tires you out. Paul’s the same and I FEEL HIM!!!! So yeah Paul and John, please come and spend time with us and eat because we miss you but mostly because I’m hungry. Yes I know that wasn’t very quiet of me but i just felt like being not shy for once okayyyy. Xxx

Eppy:  okay I’m not even going to bother reading all of that....

Martian changed Dongo’s name to Schnoz.

Schnoz: bitch it ain’t that big... and sure we can name him Carl

Geroje:  YAY! OMK I love you so much Ringo!! 

Schnoz:  ❤️🤗🤗😘❤️😘❤️💞💓🕉💞💓❤️🤗🤗😘😘😍😍

Jogn: Oh yeah that reminds me, we still have another 5 baby name books to read.

Geroje:  bitch

Ringo was sick of this shit, so he went to the McLennon bedroom and dragged John and Paul out by their feet (damn he strong boi). John was still clutching about 7 baby name and wedding books. When they got to the living room, George was galloping around on all fours screaming “bitch I’m a cow” over and over again. The fact that it was GEORGE made it 420x more hilarious. Paul sat back in his nest and John sat down at his side.

“So i was thinking...” George started. “That we have a double wedding. So basically it’s like a double date yeah, but you both get married. I think it would be so much fun and the day would be about all of us and not just those two.” George smiled to himself like he had just come up with some genius invention that would solve all world problems. Ringo just shook his head in disapproval. 

“You selfish prick! It’s mine and Paulie’s big day!!!” John cried. George grabbed hold of his bump protectively. “Why do you always have to jump on the bandwagon George?!?! Paul got up the duff, then you, and now because we are getting married, you want to as well.”

Ringo said Jack shit.

“I just luv you and look up to you two as a couple.” George mumbled sadly. He then shoved a whole bag of jellybeans up his ass because he thought that’s how you feed a baby. Dummy.

Paul returned to the book. Then threw it at Ringo and opened another book called ‘ _ ugly ass names you should DEFINITELY call your child _ ‘, making George grab it out of his hands and eat it. 

“Do you NOT have any ideas of names yet???” George screamed, just wanting to decide on what 10th takeaway today that they wanted. 

“I dunno. Not feeling creative... you think of one John.”

“Fifi???”

“NO JOHN THATS AWFUL!” Paul barked.

“Dixie Normous.”

“Oh I know it is John, it’s lovely...” Paul sighed.

“what the FUCK!!” George cried, fucking disturbed.

“Paulie... I meant the name for our child. I saw it in the book.”

“NO JOHN I HATE THAT AS WELL!!!!”

“Daisy... I like daisies??”

“ROSE... I like roses so what!!!”

“Ewww rose sounds like a nanny name.” Ringo laughed.

“Shut up schnoz.”

“Oh you’ve picked up on that too....”

A literal lightbulb appeared over John’s head.

“Daisy-Rose!!! Let’s call her Daisy-Rose.”

Paul literally started fucking crying. George also started fucking crying. 

“Oh my John... that is a gorgeous name.” He rubbed his bump. “Yes! Daisy-Rose Lennon-McCartney.” 

“That has a ring to it!”

“More like a fucking mouthful.” George scoffed.

  
“Hello Daisy-Rose Lennon-McCartney, I can’t wait to meet you!” Daisy-Rose kicked, causing Paul to scream that much, that the neighbours would think that it’s a fucking orgasm. And then get them evicted. John put his hands on Paul’s bump to feel her strong kicks. He smiled widely.

“It’s nearly time now....”


	15. Ouchiessss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The McLennon baby arrives! A lovely present on Paul’s birthday..But there is a tiny problem.... dun dun duuuunnn!!!

The Bitch Boys

21:21

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  it’s my birthday tomorrow, you better have gotten me a lot of presents  😇

Jogn:  plenty my dear :)

Geroje:  does food count as a present?

Schnoz:  oh shit I need to go to Tesco immediately......

Martian:  I thought christmas was in December??? It’s June???

Eppy:  it’s not Christmas... it’s Paul’s birthday tomorrow.... Also, have a fantabulous birthday Paul!!!  🥳

Martian:  ayyyy merry birthday paulie

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  John, you better have gotten me that wedding dress, I am going quite feminine for the wedding. 

Jogn:  it’s on its way sweetie. Size small?

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  OH MY GOD JOHN! THERES NO CHANCE I CAN LOSE THAT MUCH WEIGHT BEFORE AUGUST!!!! 

Eppy:  Uhhh. Right. Goodnight, I’ll see you tomorrow when I bring Paul’s present around...

Geroje:  Eppy save us!!!

Schnoz:  pleassseeeee peace and love  ❤️✌️🤗😍🤗💞😍🥦😘💓🕉☮️😢😢😢😢😢

Eppy:  Goodnight.

George literally heard a glass smash and John screaming from the kitchen....

Okay...

Paul just wanted a peaceful birthday the next day because he was soooo TIRED and baby was moving around so much and making him very uncomfortable. He could barely open all of his presents without just wanting to fall asleep. He felt like he was 420 years old. John was very worried. Usually Paul was very excitable and giddy on his birthday, but this year was an exception. Paul used all of his energy to get up and go to the bathroom. He then felt a dull ache in his back and abdomen. 

“Maybe I just need a really big shit?” He mumbled to himself. George pissed himself laughing. He closed the bathroom door and felt a puddle at his feet. Then the PAIN got worse and he felt like he was going to fucking DIE. Then he realised what was happening. And shat on the floor.

“John!!!!” He screamed desperately. Bending over with one hand on the wall and the other clutching his bump. 

John rushed into the bathroom in 0.69 (also nice) seconds. He immediately put his arms around Paul, helped him towards the bedroom and laid him down on the bed. Ringo and George ran in because they heard a scream and thought Paul was fucking dying. 

“Looks like....urgh....I have another.... ugghhhh.... birthday ......present today.... AHHHH! .....”

“Well don’t just stand around ringo (bro why is Ringo always being targeted seriously), phone Dr Robert!!!” John yelled while he comforted Paul.

Ringo immediately picked up the phone and called Bob Dylan (because he needed more weed bitch) and then he phoned Dr Robert. He heard like proper rave music and shouting in the background. 

“Help!!! Paul is in labour!!!!”

“Bitch I’m on holiday in Ibiza. Fucking do it yourself.”

“But-“

“DO IT AND FUCK OFF!!!” Dr Robert cried and threw his phone in somebody’s Bloody Mary. Then he climbed on the bar and poured beer down his fat, topless belly and then screamed. Oh he’s PISSED alright. But what a MOOD.

“Dr Robert said we have to do it outselves... should we go to the other hospital?” Ringo mumbled, fucking scared for his friend and the fact he just got screamed at on the phone. 

“There’s.... ahhh... no time.... uggghhh.... she’s coming..... ugh...very soon...” Paul struggled. 

“What should we do then?!??” Cried Ringo.

Then John went into full superhero mode. 

“I will help deliver the baby. Ringo, call Brian and tell him it’s an emergency and phone an ambulance, we need help just in case Paul doesn’t make it. George get a shit ton of towels and a bucket of water.” 

“Yes sir!” Ringo saluted, accidentally doing a...uhhh... another certain salute by mistake.

They both ran off in different directions to do their jobs. George placed lots of towels under Paul and left one at the side of the bucket for the baby. Ringo couldn’t get through to Brian because he was at a gay bar, so he left a voicemail. 

Paul screamed in pain.

“John... urgh.... I can’t.... can’t... do this.... AHHH!!!.... anymore .... uhhhh.... it’s too much.....”

“Baby I know you can! Just push when you are ready.”

Paul gave a big push, using most of his little energy he had. 

“JUST GET THIS GOD DAMN BABY OUT OF ME AAAHHHHH!!!!”

He pushed again. 

“Try thinking about it like it’s a huge shite.” Laughed Ringo. John poured the bucket of water over him and ordered to get a new one. 

Paul cried... and pushed .... then cried some more.... and pushed again....

“IM BEING TORN IN HALF AAHHHHH!!!!” 

“I can see the head!! We are almost there!” John cried with joy. He placed his hands in position to catch the baby.

Then all of a sudden, with one very strong push from Paul, the baby SHOT OUT LIKE A FUCKING CANNONBALL and hit John in the face. Paul was exhausted. John washed her and wrapped her in the towel.... but something wasn’t right... dun dun dunnnnn...

(Yes I will leave this on a cliffhanger so you will have to wait to find out :))))) )


	16. Brian’s Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s wrong with baby???...also I didn’t want Brian to be lonely anymore so here’s a boyfriend that I just made up for him. :))

“Wh...why isn’t she breathing???” Paul cried, not wanting to lose his baby after all that fucking PAIN. John panicked and didn’t know what to do. So he just tickled her chubby tummy and she started laughing. John smiled widely (and fucking sighed because she’s fucking alive) , taking in her cuteness. She looked like both of them merged together (well fucking obviously). Daisy-Rose had beautiful squinty green eyes, a dark brown tuft of hair and Paul’s chubby cheeks, and his lips. He handed her to her mother. Father??? Idk but he handed her to PAUL. 

“Oh thank god she’s alive... she’s gorgeous Jo-“ Paul passed out. John immediately rushed to Paul and shook him gently. He immediately opened his eyes.

“Haha got you bitch!” Paul giggled. “Thought you could get rid of me that easily.”

“You worried me, you twat!!! Come ‘ere.” John placed a gentle kiss on Paul’s sweaty ass forehead and then an even gentler one on Daisy-Rose’s little head. He then spent the entirety of Paul’s birthday sat admiring his beautiful fiancé and daughter. George just spent the day fucking crying into Ringo’s arm, while Ringo just stared at the baby in surprise. 

“She has your nose as well Pauline.”

“My names Paul... I’m still a bloody bloke y’know...” 

“Maybe we should tone down the swearing around Daisy-Rose...” 

“Yeaahhhhh.”

Then they looked up to see a fuzzy neon pink jumper and lots of shopping bags. Then they looked to see who it was... then the whole pink jumper situation made sense.... he then dropped the ducking Bags, breaking whiskey bottles inside and then rushed over to Paul, John and the pink bundle in his arms.

“Ohhh myyyyy!!!!” Brian cried, with even bigger heart eyes. “She’s absolutely beautiful!!!” 

He then went into full nanny mode. 

“I’m going to knit her a splenfantabulous baby grow and blanket!!” 

“Would you like to hold her Brian?” Asked Paul sleepily. “I would love to get some rest.”

“Oh of course!!” 

Paul carefully handed her to Brian. She pulled at the fluff on his hideous jumper.

“Oh my!!! She’s stunning!” Brian nearly fucking cried. 

“All thanks to us!” John replied all fucking smug and that because it’s John Lennon bitches. 

“A beautiful girl like you must have a beautiful name? What’s your name sweetheart?” Brian cooed to the baby, making her babble. 

“Daisy-Rose.” Yawned Paul.

Brian just fucking exploded because the cuteness was just to much for his lonely ass. #welovebrian 

Ringo pulled George into the bathroom because he just thought of something funny.

“Wait do you think Brian has Grindr?” Ringo asked.

“Omg imagine if he does. We need to steal his phone to see.”

They then pissed themselves laughing at their evil plan. 

Then Ringo crept into the McLennon bedroom, which smelled like newborn babies (DUHHH) and snuck Brian’s phone out of his pocket while he was too busy with his eyes glued to the beautiful baby in his arm. Brian then looked round to see Ringo dash out of the room, nearly shutting his nose in the door, shrugged and went back to adoring Daisy-Rose. 

Ringo ran to the living room, with George the cow galloping behind him on all fours. They spent about 5 minutes trying to get into Brian’s phone by Ringo just pressing random numbers with his nose. 

“Wait let me try!” Cried George in a cow onesie, snatching the phone from Ringo. 

George the GEO-NIUS. Hahaha. Entered six random numbers - 190934 and the phone fucking unlocked. They scrolled through all the apps, briefly laughing at the fact he had club penguin and his name on it was ‘brianyboo’ (seriously I can imagine Brian playing club penguin tho) then BOOM they found the grey icon with an orange mask.... and opened it...

They then stalked his profile. 

Brian, 30

Hello! I’m Brian and I’m extremely gay and extremely lonely. I talk very posh to hide the fact that I’m from Liverpool, but let’s just pretend I’m very posh, alright? Please text me if you are interested. 

“Pffftt hahaha!!!” Ringo pissed himself laughing again and had to revert back to wearing nappies. 

“‘Let’s pretend I’m very posh....’ Omg I can’t-“

“Wait he’s matched with someone!!!”

Archibald, 33

Male model  😘 ,  📍 Köln  🇩🇪 , Loves club penguin

Then Brian burst in.

“Boys, I seem to have lost my ph-“ Brian turned red, clenched his fists and smoke came out of his ears. Ringo dropped Brian’s phone on the Elmo rug. 

“HOW DARE YOU!!!” Brian screamed. “STEALING MY PHONE!?!?”

Then he stopped screaming and started shaking and biting his nails.

“You....you didn’t see the club penguin did you....” 

“Yeah... brianyboo!!” Ringo cried. George covered his mouth.

Then Brian burst out crying. 

“Don’t worry Brian, you have a match on Grindr!!!”

“YOU WENT ON MY GRINDR AS WELL!???” He screamed and WAILED even more. 

“No look, here.” George passed his phone back to him to show him that he had matched with Archibald. Brian stared at the screen.

“Oh my... he’s a handsome lad isn’t he just...” then he fainted. Then immediately got up to message this man. 

Archibald

14:27

Brian:  Hello! I see we have matched! Lovely to meet you!

Archibald:  Hallo, I Archi. Nice meet you also Brian!

Brian:  Ooo you’re German! How interesting! Sorry I don’t speak much German. 

Archibald:  No it okay! I want to come to Liverpool to see you. Your profile picture look very handsome.

Brian:  Oh my! That would be fantabulous! When would you like to come??

Archibald:  Tomorrow. I want to see my cute bean Brian!  ❤️

Brian:  oh wow! Are we making this official then?

Archibald:  Jaaaaaa!!!

Archibald changed Brian’s name to Cute Bean Brian. 

Cute Bean Brian:  oh my Archi you are so adorable!!!!

Cute Bean Brian changed Archibald’s name to Archi  💞🏳️‍🌈 .

Archi  💞🏳️‍🌈 :  I lieb pride flag!!! You must teach me English, it not too gut. 

Brian just fucking exploded again. (Honestly I wanted Brian to have a boyfriend because I hate lonely Brian okay. Come at me xxx)


	17. Meeting Archi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s not really much to say...Brian is nervous (so he shites his pants), George is in pain and grumpy and Paul is being kind

“Come on boys we are going to be late!” Cried Brian, putting all of Daisy-Rose’s stuff in the boot of his car.

“Remind me why we need to come anyway? My back and stomach is so sore!” Cried George, rubbing his large bump.

“Yeah! And Daisy-Rose is tired.” Inputted Paul. “Poor baby, she’s only one day old and your dragging her out!” He stroked her chocolate tuft of hair, as she wriggled around in his arms, like the little worm she is. 

“Just in case Archibald is a secret spy who wants to murder me.”

“What the fuck Brian? You were obsessed with him yesterday!”

“Just remember, if I come skipping to the car screaming ‘Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo’, that’s my code word for I’m in danger, alright.”

Brian drove them to the airport. Then got out nervously. He decided to wear a pink suit to impress Archi when he arrived. The plane should be landing any minute now because John wouldn’t get the fuck out of bed. Brian glanced at the screen while biting his nails. A flight from cologne had just landed, meaning he would be here. He got a hell of a lot more nervous and SHAT HIMSELF in the middle of the airport. Then went to the bathroom to change into one of Daisy-Rose’s nappies. He waited at the airport for two hours. And there was no sign of Archi. Brian was absolutely distraught. He had been stood up and he would be a lonely bitch forever.

The Bitch Boys

12:39

Jogn:  Brian where the fuck are you! We are bored just sat in your car. 

Eppy:  I think he has stood me up boys...  😣

Jogn:  SERIOUSLY AFTER ALL THAT FUCKING TIME WE HAVE SPENT FREEZING OUR ARSES OFF IN THIS CAR!!!!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  awww Bri, there’s plenty more fish in the sea..

Then all of a sudden he heard a German man screaming. (Please read Archi’s parts in German accent :) )

“OHHH MEIN GOTT?!!! Bri Bean!!!! YOU LOOK SEHR ADORABLE!!!” Archi was taller than Brian, very muscular and tanned and had shaggy blonde hair. Brian fell in love with him and fucking melted, forming a huge puddle on the floor with a pink suit on top. He was SO much more handsome in person.(for Brian... he’s not my type lmao I like skinny fuckers (so basically my type is George Harrison because oh myyyy he’s FIT.))

“Archi????” Brian cried.

Archibald picked him up and swung him around. Brian looked like a toy compared to big man Archi. 

“Brian bean!!! You wear cute rose colouring suit!!!” He said in his broken English. 

“Yes! I thought it would be very smart to wear this when I first meet you.”

“Awww Brian I lieb it... or however you Englands say it!!”

“I believe the word you are looking for is ‘love’ Archi.”

“Ahhh yesss, Love!”

John was growing impatient. (Impatient ass, this is Brian’s only chance with a guy) Daisy-Rose was crying because she was cold and wanted her cot. Then John fucking burst out laughing, waking up a pregananant and now long-haired George from his beauty sleep. Brian approached, holding hands with a HUMONGOUS MAN!!! Ringo got scared because he’s small, then got out of the car and into the boot, throwing a comfort blanket of Daisy-Rose’s on. Brian and Archi got into the front of the car. 

“Hallo i Archi, nice meet you Brian family.”

“Hello!” Said Paul politely. 

“I see you got cute babbie there! Is it your girlfriend babbie?.” Asked Archi, pulling funny faces at her. “Or ist she your Schwester?” Brian mouthed ‘sister’ at Paul, translating Archi.

“Uh no actually, ~~we’re just good friends~~ she’s mine...” 

“So you adopt?”

“No I had her myself.”

“Wow I didn’t know that happen. Who vater?”

“He means Father, Paul.” Brian translated.

“Yeah thanks Brian, I did do German at school. Oh and John here is the father.”

“Ooo fellow gays! Hello!!!” Archi cried excitedly. John politely smiled at him. 

“Who fat woman next to baby mutter?”

George’s fucking mouth dropped to the floor.

“HOW DARE YOU!!!! IM PREGNANT!! AND A MAN!!!” 

“Oh another baby mutter, hello nice meet you! Who’s your gay baby vater?” 

“He’s in the boot.”

“What’s a boot? Also Brian do all men get baby here?”

“No, it’s very rare that this has happened to them.”

“Oh okay. Can we play club penguin later?”

“Yes dear.”

George tried to not piss himself laughing again, but Ringo couldn’t help it. A huge laugh came from the boot.

“Guys is it okay if Archi and I stay at the apartment for a bit?”

“NO.” Cried George.

“Yes of course.” Paul interrupted, giving George a nasty glare. “How long we’re you thinking?”

“About 3 weeks???”

“WHAT THE FU-“ John screamed.

“Yeah that shouldn’t be a problem Archi boo.” Brian caressed Archi’s cheek, making him giggle.

“Where will you sleep?” Asked Paul.

“I sleep on air bed. I bring with me. Brian too.” 

They got back to the apartment and Archi blew up the huge air bed just using his lungs and no pump, which made Brian swoon. George just wanted to go to bed because he was in so much pain. Daisy-Rose fell asleep as soon as she touched her cot, leaving John and Paul to have some free time together to  have ~~some good old seggs because they hadnt had it in like 9 months~~ plan the wedding. 


	18. More Ouchiesss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We welcome the lovely Carl Harrison-Starkey to the world (or should I say apartment) and now George hates Ringo (for now)

Archi had been at the apartment for two weeks now and it was Ringo’s birthday. George was hoping Archi would be gone by the time it was his birthday because he thought Archi was a pain in the arse as his big ass body took up like most of the apartment. But bitch no he was still here. The other part of the apartment was took up by George’s big belly. Surely the baby should be arriving soon. He was 2 1/2 weeks past his due date and could hardly get out of bed anymore.

“Oh Richard! I’m so helpless! I can’t stand this anymore!!!” He cried. Hardly being able to tie his hair back into a cute little man bun. Ringo felt sorry for George, he could kinda understand what he was going through because of the size of his nose (sorry little sweet boi Richie). Ringo sat down beside George and caressed the achingly large bump. He was pretty sure it was bigger than Paul’s even though he was a TWIG. 

“Don’t worry George! I don’t mind doing things for you, even if it is my birthday!”

“Richie you’re too kind!!!”

Baby Carl then kicked. Making George scream the whole fucking apartment down., then making Archi wake up and get angry. 

“SCHEIßE!!!!!” Archi screamed. “What was das Brian Bean???” (One of only words I remember from 5 years of learning German... just kidding I know most of the language :))) )

“It’s George, don’t worry he won’t hurt you. He’s just in a little pain because of the baby.”

Then George fucking SCREECHED again. Ringo ran into the living room in his new Thomas the tank engine costume he got for his birthday...

“I think something is up with George! He is in a lot of pain!”

“Well no Schieße!!” cried Archi. 

“I’m taking him to the hospital.” Explained Ringo, taking Brian’s bottle of whiskey and downing it.

“You can’t drive like that!!!” Brian cried. 

“Well you can’t drive like that either!” Ringo pointed at Brian in his frilly lingerie. Archi smirked.

“I got as present for Brian bean! Do you lieb!?”

“Uh, no. Anywaaaaayyssss. I’m going to take George now so byeeeee,”  ~~ Thomas the tank engine ~~ Ringo carried George bridal style to the messed up piece of metal in the apartment blocks car park. George was screaming, waking up everyone in the apartment and neighbourhood. 

“Oh fuck Richard!!! I think the baby is coming!!”

“Well no shit... we are going to make it Georgie!!!”

“Not in this car we won’t!!! It’s coming now Richard!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!”

“Oh FUCK!!!” Ringo crashed into a traffic light.

“What do I do Richard!!!” George was genuinely worried now. Ringo then drove into a field... which turned out to be the garden of some fancy ass mansion. 

“Lie down on the grass!!”

“I’m not delivering my baby in the middle of a fucking field Richard!!!!”

“We have no choice darling. I’m here to help you.” Ringo threw him a blanket out of the boot. 

“Paul made it look so easy URGHHHH.” 

“Oh he really fucking didn’t.... over exaggerating prick.” (BITCH DONT INSULT THE PRETTIEST MAN ON PLANET EARTH)

“DONT CALL URRHGG MY BIG BROTHER THAT AHHHH!!!” (Thank you George) 

“Sorry... now push when you feel like it....”

“I AM DOING!!!! OH RICHARD IM GOING TO KILL YOUUUURRGHHH.. YOURE THE ONE THAT GOT ME INTO THIS MESS. YOU BUMDER!!!!”

Ringo fucking started crying because George was mean. Hahahaha. (I’m sorry I love you Ringo, I know this series has been hard for you)

“What on EARTH do you think you are doing?” Cried a posh London accent. 

“Uhhhhh... where did you come from?” Asked Ringo.

“This is my garden.... where did you come from....”a fancy ass man looking like Abraham Lincoln or whatever approached the opposite side of the car.

“Don’t come round here!” Screamed George.

“Oh my! You better not be screwing on my lawn!!!” The man walked around the other side of the car.

“NO!!! NO NO NO NO!!!!” Bongo and Joj yelled in unison, but the guy didn’t listen. He then saw a much pregnant George laying on his back, legs spread apart and a baby’s head in between. He turned red, then green, then white (bitch be like a colour changing lamp) and passed the fuck out. 

“Okay then...” Ringo turned back to George. “Come on Georgie! Let’s get this baby out of you!!!” 

“WHY THE FUCK DOES IT HAVE TO BE YOUR BIRTHDAY. AHHHHH!!! I SWEAR JULY THE 7TH IS CURSED?!??!?”

“Oh... thanks... bitch ass boyfriend....”

George gave a few more strong pushes and out popped Carl. Ringo was expecting him to launch into his face like Daisy-Rose but no, Carl was a heavy boi. Ringo picked him up and smeared blood on his head, shouting ‘simba!’ George just fucking facepalmed and asked him to give him his fricking baby. 

Then they sat in the field, adoring Carl. He was funny looking because he looked like George apart from his fat nose, which Ringo wasn’t chuffed about passing on to his son. 

“He’s cute and all Geo, but now he’s going to have to live getting his nose trapped in everything.”

“Well I think he’s the second prettiest boy in the entire world.... Paul being first of course...”

“He has a fucking squidward nose. Bitch needs plastic surgery! I was dreading him having my nose!!!”

George gasped. 

“How DARE you tell me that my baby needs plastic surgery!!!!” George cried, making Carl cry too. Ringo felt bad so just dug a hole in that mans garden and buried himself. George strapped little Carl into the car and drove off, even though he had literally just given birth to him 5 minutes ago... which Is probably impossible but nothing makes sense here so whatever. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A clean man comes to visit the apartment :) and John’s a fucking madman

George got home and brought Carl into the home for the first time. Paul, with Daisy-Rose in his arms and John were stood at the door waiting for the Harrison-Starkey’s arrival home. But we’re confused to see just George (who was now back to his skinnyyyyy figure... surprisingly quickly)

“Where’s Bongo??” Cried Paul worried.

“He got buried.”

“Oh shit did he die.” 

“No he said Carl looked like squidward and then I yelled and then he got scared and then he buried himself and then I drove home.” 

Then they looked down at sleeping Carl. John burst out laughing, making George hide his face away. Daisy-Rose’s eyes beamed when she saw her new cousin?? Friend??? Let’s stick with cousin because they are all family :). 

“Awww Geo!! He’s so adorable!!! I think his nose looks cute!” 

John was just rolling around the apartment laughing, occasionally smacking into the sofa or coffee table. 

“Where are Brian and Archi?” Asked George, rocking sweet little Carl in his arms. 

“Archi used one of John’s naked drawings of me to wipe his arse with so John got mad and kicked him out.”

“Oh damnn.... Where are they now?”

“They went to Brian’s house.” 

“WHY COULDN’T THEY JUST GO THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!?!?” Yelled John.

“Oh thank Krishna! Now we have some space to bring up our little ones.” George put Carl on the floor to change his nappy because we was stinky (yeah we are British and so are the Bois so we don’t say diaper here. And no, we don’t just have one accent). 

“Oh it’s clean! Must have been a fart then. You smelly boy!” George cooed, tickling Carl’s chubby tummy. Then he projectile SHAT all over George. (And theElmo rug).

Lessons learned

  * Ringo is mean to his own child
  * Paul is fucking drop dead gorgeous and should be a model
  * John is also mean
  * Carl has a big nose 
  * Archi is a big ass bitch
  * DO NOT TICKLE CARL’S TUMMY!!



John then had to call out the cleaner for the 3rd time today. And evacuate the apartment because Jesus Christ...Carl STINKS!!!!

Ringo finally got out of his hole and tried to hitchhike home. Then realised the apartment was literally like 1 mile away so just walked it. When he got home, he realised the apartment was empty apart from the cleaning woman. 

(Read in Irish accent please)

“Richard if you don’t stop shitting in this apartment I will get you evicted myself!!!”

“I’m sorry Alma!!!! It wasn’t me this time!!!”

“Yeahhh that’s what they all say!”

Then the woman turned around and he realised it was none other than Paul’s (clean) Grandfather, in a cleaning outfit. Ringo gasped and ran out of the apartment, with  ~~ Wilfrid Brambell ~~ Paul’s grandfather running after him with a mop.

“WHY ARE YOU HERE??!?” Ringo cried, not wanting to be impaled by the mop. 

“It’s Paulie’s wedding in a few weeks, so I thought I’d come and stay until the wedding.!!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

The Bitch Boys

16:27

Schnoz:  FUCKING HELP ME!!!!

Geroje:  oh you’re out of the hole now  🙄

Jogn:  omg Paul do you think he’s noticed him yet

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  hahah. I hope so.

Schnoz:  WHY THE FUCK IS HE STAYING WITH US!!??? HE HATES ME BECAUSE IM SMALL AND MY NOSE!!!!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  he’s only joking. He wouldn’t mean to hurt you.

Schnoz:  HES STICKING A MOP UP ME BUM!!! 

Jogn:  PFFFTTT HAHAH!!! Awww he’s a nice old man isn’t he Paul?

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  yeah. He’s only being friendly.

Schnoz:  George how can you enjoy this!!????? This really hurts!!!! 

Geroje:  Umm... don’t get me involved now...

Jogn:  a bit too friendly I think...

Schnoz:  WHERE ARE YOU????

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  in the cupboard lol. We were only playing a prank on you Richie :)

Schnoz:  A PRANK?!??!? I JUST GOT IMPALED BY A MOP!!!????

So Ringo waddled back to the apartment with a sore arse, George bringing him into a hug as soon as he got in. 

“Aww baby Richie I’m so sorry for being mean before. Thank you for helping me with the birth. You are the best boyfriend ever and you don’t deserve me.”

George started crying into Ringo’s arms, he cuddled him tighter and stroked George’s long and luscious brown locks.

“Awww babe don’t say that!! You’re the best!! You gave me our beautiful son!!! That’s a miracle and blessing George! I’m so thankful.”

John threw up. Paul just cried because it was cute. The babies were just in their cots sleeping. Until Carl started WAILING, waking up Daisy-Rose and making her sob too. 

“OH GEORGE!!! LOOK WHAT YOUR BABY HAS DONE NOW!!!!” Cried John, irritated because he had gotten no sleep.

“Well it’s not my fault!!! Carl is just hungry!!! He totally gets that from me though.” George replied, picking Carl out of his cot and carrying him to the kitchen to feed him a bottle. 

Then John picked up Daisy-Rose and flung her around the apartment making aeroplane noises, which made her giggle like fucking crazy until Paul snatched her from him and scolded him saying ‘you’re an absolute madman flinging our nearly month old daughter over the house’ and John screaming back that ‘she wasn’t made of fucking glass.’ Then she started fucking screaming because she had been taken away from her daddy. Paul just about gave up and passed her back to John, who started flinging her about again. 


	20. A Special Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay wedding!

George and Ringo had removed John from the apartment and sent him back to his Aunt Mimi’s house. Paul had tried to beg them not to but Ringo said that ‘it was bad luck to see the bride before the wedding’. Paul then threw an orange from the fruit bowl at his head and screamed ‘what makes you think I’m the bride???’ Then George pointed out that he’s LITERALLY WEARING A WEDDING DRESS (size small). Paul was fucking dreading getting into that dress because he felt like he hadn’t lost all the weight.

The Bitch Boys

06:32

Jogn:  PAAAULLLL 😭😭😭

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  JOHNNNNN  😭😭😭

Geroje:  the fuck is up with you two?

Jogn:  I MISS YOU SO MUCH PAUL I CANT DEAL WITH THIS!!!

Geroje:  you literally left the apartment 7 hours ago......

Schnoz:  and you will see him again in 4.....

Jogn:  THEN YOU WILL BE MY WIFE!!!!

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  MAKE ME YOUR WIFEH JOHNNEH!!!!!

Schnoz:  what the??? But Paul... you’re a dude?!?!?

Geroje:  come on Paul, we need to get you in this dress.

John’s pretty princess Paulie:  NOOOOO!!!

Jogn changed John’s pretty princess Paulie’s name to John’s wife.

Schnoz:  to be*****

Geroje:  Paul stop being a little shit and get in the dress.

John’s wife: NOOOOOOOO MAKE ME BITCH!!!

Geroje:  fine then. Got to go, see you later John.

Jogn:  you better not hurt my bunny!!!

John went and cried into his Aunt Mimi’s arm (who has no clue about the child). She fucking slapped him and told him to stop being a pussy. Then John went and cried in his old bedroom while he put his suit on. Meanwhile in the apartment, George, with the dress in his hand, was chasing a semi-naked Paul around. Ringo trapped him and put him in a body bag to fucking stop the feral animal Paul had become.Soon he calmed down and decided to put the dress on. He tried to squeeze his fat thighs into the dress but struggled. 

“George help me!!!”

George ran into the room, grabbed the bunched up dress around Paul’s hairy ass thighs and pushed him against the wall, trying to pull it on.

“SUCK IT IN PAULIE!!!!”

Paul took a deep breath and sucked in his stomach and squeezed his thighs together.

“SUCK... IT ....IN....BRO!!!” He pulled it harder. Then he noticed Paul’s underwear.

“No wonder it isn’t going on! You’re wearing the wrong underwear!!!” Then George fucking TORE his underwear off, making Paul scream that loud that it could have been heard from Asia. After an hour of squeezing into the dress, Paul was finally wearing it (kinda). His back was hunched over and his legs were squished together as it was like 3 sizes too small.

“Come on out Paul!” Cheered Ringo, excited to see his mate in the dress. Paul crept out awkwardly, still breathing in so he didn’t tear the fricking expensive dress.

“We can’t see it properly! Stand up straight Paul!” 

He slowly straightened his back and sighed in relief that he was finally in the dress. Then the dress fucking EXPLODED and Paul burst out crying. 

“I’m such a fat BIITCCCHH!!!” Screamed Paul, sat on the floor with torn bits of dress hanging off him. 

“We can get you a new one! The wedding doesn’t start for another 3 hours!” 

“RINGO THEY WONT JUST GIVE ME ONE LIKE THAT!!! IT HAS TO BE MADE SPECIFICALLY TO FIT MY FAT ARSE!!!” 

“We might be lucky.”

“FUCKING FINE!!!!”

Then they went to tesco to get the dress. Because of course they are going to sell wedding dresses in Tesco. Turns out Paul was too fat for them though, so they decided to go to topshop. 

“Hi how can i help you?!” A sweet, blonde worker asked. 

“Hi I’m looking for a wedding dress... it’s an emergency.”

“Have you looked in Tesco?”

“Yeah they are all too small.”

“Who’s the dress for?”

“Me.”

“Oh... sure thing... uhhh there’s some over there....”

She then ran out of topshop as quickly as possible and jumped in the river Mersey. 

Paul found one that was decent enough so put it on and ran straight to the wedding. John was waiting nervously at the end of the aisle, biting his already bitten fingernails. Then all of a sudden some sweet ass music started playing. And oh my god. John accidentally got hard in front of everyone because he had just seen the most beautiful sight ever. Paul walking down the aisle with a topshop wedding dress on. Then behind was Daisy-Rose and Carl scooting along the aisle in baby walkers. He then took Paul’s hands and they got married blah blah blah.... until....

“WAIT!!!!” Ringo screamed and interrupted the wedding.... everyone just fucking gasped....


	21. A special day... continued (the end)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last ever chapter of 4 boys 1 apartment that I’m going to write *sniff* (honestly it’s been fun I’m going to miss writing it) so I’m gonna make sure it goes out with a BANG!!! (Literally)
> 
> I will be writing more beatles fics in the near future along with ones for other fandoms.....and I promise they won’t be as bloody crazy as this one has been.
> 
> Anyway... on with the chapter.....

“WHAT!!!??? RINGO!!! HOW COULD YOU STOP OUR WEDDING!!???” Paul was distraught.

“No no no, I’m not trying to stop your wedding at all..... there’s just something important that id like to do first....” Carl and Daisy-Rose were too busy playing Mario Kart down the aisle in their walkers. Ringo then stood up into the middle of the aisle. Everyone just fucking GLARED at him (especially Jim because he didn’t even want to be there and just wanted to get the wedding over with so he could LEAVE). Then Ringo took a piece of paper out of his pocket and started to read.

“George.... I know this year’s been fucking STRANGE.... we bought 30 plants, set fire to a rug, bought an Elmo rug which always gets thrown up and shat on, drunkenly got together at Paul’s princess party, found out you got pregnant, I lived on the streets, stared at John in a coma for weeks on end, and gave birth to Carl in someone’s back garden.... it’s been hard... we argued a lot okay... but we still came back to eachother and we still love eachother very much.... and George, you are the best thing that ever happened to me... so will you be my husband??? Well not today obviously because it’s their day but maybe another day very soon???”

George WAILED.

“OH MY GOD RICHIE!!! HELL YEAHHH!!!”

Everyone clapped apart from John. Carl babbled something that remotely sounded like ‘Hare Krishna’ (he’s learning already LMAOOO) 

“right... but can we get on with our FUCKING WEDDING!” John cried. 

So John and Paul exchanged vows, gave each other a fat ass kiss, which made Jim throw up onto the back of Brian’s head. 

Then everyone started singing and dancing like the cliche ending of a movie bitch. 

Haha!!! Bitch you thought!!! Nah... it’s not the ending yet. Just a few more paragraphs to go.

*insert sad violin music here* (honestly I’m actually crying now because I’m sad that it’s over... THIS IS MY FIRST BABY!!!)

Brian got up nervously. 

“Can I make a speech please?”

“Sure go for it.” John replied, passed him a microphone and sat down next to his new wife. 

Brian then skipped to the front and got out a pink my little pony piece of paper.

“Uhhh... so yeah... I just want to congratulate John and Paul.... uhhh I don’t know your surname....”

“Lennon-McCartney.”

“Oh yeah.... I would like to congratulate John and Paul Lennon-McCartney on their new marriage. I have always tried getting them together when they were at uni but then fucking Ringo goes and does it for me and I’m not even there! An outrage!! But anyway, I wish them a very amaz-splen-fantabulous life with their newest addition to the family, sweet little Daisy-Rose, who I am a proud nanny of! She’s truly a little princess!!! Also I have an announcement to make myself.... I’m pregnant!!! YAYYYY!!!”

Archi fucking fainted in the audience, along with George and Ringo. John snatched the microphone back off him. 

“JESUS CHRIST!!!! Does anyone else want to make an announcement or can Paul and I just have the day all about us!??? I mean it is our wedding for fuck sake!!”

Everyone just stayed fucking silent. Some tumbleweed bounced across the aisle. 

“Also... Paul... everyone... I have a confession to make myself....”

Paul sat bolt upright... expecting the worst... is he going to die???? Has he been cheating!??? Is he not gay?????

“I’m afraid Daisy-Rose isn’t the NEWEST addition to the family... Paul, I’m pregnanananant with your baby!”

Daisy-Rose looked at her daddy in confusion. Paul fricking passed out, so did Jim and Mike and Brian and Archi and Mimi especially And Ringo and George for the second time today.... what a lovely day :)))) 


End file.
